I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am not quite sure where this need for self-love and reflection is coming from, but I’m embracing it. And since I write a blog, I’m sharing it with you.
Do you know what has been the number one thing on my mind?
Growing up vs. not growing up.
28 years old is a strange age for me to grasp. I have officially entered into the “late twenties” category, and am starting to wonder what exactly that means. I woke up thinking about this and stumbling across this “30 Signs You’re Almost 30” article did me in. That is my life!
When I think back to my college days, I would have bet high dollars that at this age I would be a mother, settled into a home, and possibly into a full-time career. I would have told you that my nights will consist of making dinner, tucking the little ones into their beds, and spending my down time catching up on laundry, cleaning up, and relaxing with the occasional glass of wine. That nights out will only be on the weekends, if we had a babysitter, and they will be something I would look forward to and have in the calendar weeks ahead of time. Friday nights will be “pizza nights” just because. Sundays will be “family day” and after lunch, I will spend the rest of the day getting ready for the busy work week ahead.
When I think back to five years ago, I would have said the same thing.
When I think back to two years ago, it makes me laugh a little.
Nothing about what I wrote above has happened. But, I couldn’t be more okay with it! Here’s why.
On one hand, I feel like I have matured greatly over the past five years. I have learned from mistakes, grown spiritually, and have found exactly what I want to get out of life. I want to be me. I want to live a happy, healthy life and inspire others to do the same. I want to dance. I want to share my stories and surround myself with positive people. I want to set goals and reach them. I want to make a difference!
Not Growing Up
On the other hand, I still feel like I am a 21-year-old who doesn’t have it all figured out. I’m not quite ready to be a mother. I’m selfish and want to be able to go out of town on a moment’s notice if the opportunity presents itself. I like to spend my extra income on things like makeup, dinners out, and little indulgences that make me happy. I’m not ready to sacrifice things I like and want to do and completely change my schedule. I like to have a good time after a game and hang out with my friends. I like to make breakfast for dinner. For now, keeping up with Roadie and the cats is enough responsibility.
I am completely content with where I am and what I am doing.
Seeing people post baby pictures and home improvement projects on their houses used to leave me feeling a little left out. I wanted to own a home and start remodeling it room by room. I wanted to create the coolest permanent home office. I wanted a game/entertainment room for adults and a play room for kids. I wanted to create a place to call my own and start traditions in one place with my family.
With every wedding anniversary comes the question from friends and family about our plans for children and our future. Now that we live far away from a lot of them, catch up calls are required and in turn, so is an update of life each time. It’s not uncommon for those close to us to wonder what our next move (figuratively not literally) in life is.
We really don’t know. Starting a family is something Scott and I go back and forth about every day. We firmly believe that everything happens for a reason at the right time, and it hasn’t happened yet for a reason.
Am I ready to grow up, and for that matter is Scott ready to grow up?
Only time will tell.
For now, I will continue to enjoy being the grandma of my dance team and hang with the best of ’em! Doing what I love and loving what I do is all I am striving for.
Something To Think About
Embrace the present.
Stop worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow.
Some things are in your control, but most of life isn’t.
Only you have the choice to make each day better than the last.
(Thought this little nugget from Tina was appropriate.)
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Don’t live off of silly life timelines and deadlines.
Do YOU and be HAPPY with who that is!