Just a few days ago, I suffered my first miscarriage. I was 12 weeks along, and everything happened on the same day we planned on telling our friends back home. We were only a few weeks shy of announcing it to the world. Coping with this loss and experience has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I am choosing to share this journey to help others who have or who will go through a similar one. You are not alone.
Below is our story in the form of a letter written by me to our angel baby born into Heaven. I’m not sure when I will be back to post again… but I will.
Thank you for all of the love, prayers, and support. xo
Dear Baby H,
Oh, how you are loved.
I will never forget the day you rocked our world and showed up in the form of a positive pregnancy test. After a year of trying (and several boxes of negative pregnancy tests), no one was more surprised to find out that I was going to become a mother than me. It was Thanksgiving Day, and for whatever reason, I just had to take a test that morning.
I wanted to wait and tell your daddy over a romantic dinner later that weekend, but I couldn’t hold it together. I was just too excited. Together, we spent the holiday with my mom, only the secret of you in my belly was kept between the two of us.
I was so protective of you.
I remember the feeling I had going into my first barre class after we found out. I wanted to stay in shape to have a healthy, active pregnancy, but I was scared to death to do anything to harm you. I researched the dos and don’ts of barre and then working out for hours. Days even. I read articles, revisited bookmarked blog posts, and finally broke down and asked the barre studio owner exactly what I should and shouldn’t be doing while pregnant. She was very helpful and assured me that nothing I was doing would put you in danger.
I continued taking barre classes, and I slowly got back to a somewhat normal routine at the gym when my membership ended. Actually, it wasn’t normal at all. I stopped running outside (mostly in fear of slipping on ice), I put my intense workouts on the back burner, and I checked my heart rate monitor every five seconds to make sure I was still in the safe zone and wasn’t stressing you out.
It was such a relief when we made it to Week 8. Your daddy and I couldn’t wait to go to the doctor’s office and see you for the very first time. I had experienced ultrasounds before (to help track ovulation), but this was the first time I went in knowing I was going to see something there. You.
I will never, ever forget the look on your daddy’s face when we saw you right there on the screen. The tech was so excited to tell me all about you and pointed out your heart just fluttering away. And then, just when we thought the moment couldn’t have gotten any more emotional, we heard your heartbeat. It was strong and the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I was so in love with you already.
We took the sonogram pictures home with us and could not wait to share them with our families and friends.
We spent our entire Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the weekend telling our friends in Michigan and families via Skype. We decided to wait and share the news with all of our friends back home until our next doctor’s appointment, since they wouldn’t be the ones noticing that I didn’t have my normal cup of coffee or glass of wine in social settings.
I knew I wanted to journal my pregnancy with you from the very beginning.
I started drafting weekly recaps to later share on this blog, and I enjoyed writing them so, so much. I couldn’t wait for the day that I could look back and show you how much you grew and changed our lives week by week.
Daddy and I prayed with you every morning and every night. There wasn’t an hour that passed by in our days that we didn’t talk about you. Thanks to him and a group of friends, you somehow inherited the nickname “Burl” because we didn’t know if you were going to be a boy or a girl. I wasn’t crazy about it, but the name stuck. Daddy insisted on talking to and even praying for “Baby Burl” to keep growing healthy, happy, and strong.
Your ninth week sure was fun! Mommy and daddy were both in a very special wedding where we eventually ended up telling some of our closest friends up here in Michigan. Once again, I was being questioned about keeping my distance from the champagne and wine during a week of celebrations, so we caved. They were so happy!
We started receiving gifts for you by your tenth week. Everyone was so excited for you to get here, and so were we!
Everything seemed perfect until Week Eleven… that’s when I had my first scare with you. I started spotting (lightly) at work, but I read it was normal during the first trimester, so I calmed myself down and carried on with my day. It didn’t let up the next day, so I took it easy. I let clients handle more of their own weights, and I sat down with my feet up whenever I could.
By the third day of spotting, I really started to worry. I called the doctor and explained what was going on, but at that time, I was still only spotting and our 12 week check up was in the books just two days later. I was put on bed rest until then and instructed to go to the hospital if anything got worse.
I took it extremely easy the next day, and Daddy and I loved on you so much. We prayed and prayed for everything to be okay and tried not to worry too much. Pray as we might, we just knew that something wasn’t right later that night. The spotting turned into bleeding, and we were scared. We chose not to go to the hospital because of the horror stories from friends (and ridiculous medical bills that come with them). Instead, I went to sleep in Daddy’s arms and he propped my legs up to make sure I stayed asleep with my feet up the entire night.
We weren’t sure what the doctor was going to say, but we couldn’t get in that examination room soon enough the next day. When they found out I was bleeding, they rushed us in for an ultrasound… and then it happened. We saw you, but the expression on the tech’s face was a somber one. Your daddy looked at me with tears in his eyes and said that you looked different. He didn’t see a heartbeat, but I didn’t believe him.
The tech left the room to get the doctor and we both started bawling. My worst fear happened. As soon as the doctor walked in, I knew you were gone. They went back and forth taking screenshots of the scans and finally explained what they were looking at. According to them, you only made it between eight and nine weeks.
We’ll never know why you didn’t stay with us, or why it took my body almost three weeks to tell us what was going on, but what I do know is that the twelve weeks we thought we had with you were absolutely magical.
Daddy took this picture of us three days before everything changed, and we will always cherish how much you meant to us… then and forever.
After we heard the news that we’d lost you, the doctor asked us if we wanted to schedule a D&C. Going home to just sit and wait for a miscarriage to happen sounded like a horrible form of torture, so we made an appointment to have the procedure the next morning. She warned us, however, that it could happen naturally before we went in… and it did.
Light cramping turned into heavy cramping, and I experienced contractions, heavy bleeding, and passing tissue for four hours. The doctor explained that my body thought I was going through labor, and that is the only way I can explain it. I like to think that it was your way of prepping me for the arrival of your future brothers/sisters. I spent the night in the bathroom, and eventually, I went to sleep in your daddy’s arms in the fort that he built us on the floor. He was so brave and comforting through it all.
I woke up the next morning feeling empty. I knew our time with you had come to a close, and that we really had to say goodbye to you. I don’t think either of us had ever cried as much as we did in those few private minutes.
After the procedure, I was handed a book that will hopefully answer a lot of our questions. I haven’t read it yet, but I will. I did, however, see the bookmark that was made for you and me.
The tattoo I got over a year and a half ago will now always remind me of you.
It breaks our hearts to know that we will never get the chance to meet you in this world. It will take me a long time to recover from losing you, but we will never, ever stop loving you.
You will always be our incredible baby, and we cannot wait to hug you in Heaven one day.
Until then, Sweet Baby H.
All the love in the world,
Mom
![[in our elementary school era] 🚌😭
Skyler did great walking into KINDERGARTEN with a big smile on his face this morning. I, however, was a bit of a mess on our walk home. 🥹
It’s wild how fast these 5 years with him have gone … 7 since we moved to NYC and into our apartment, dreaming of the day our kids would someday go to the *awesome* school right down our block. 🏫
That day is today, and I still don’t believe it — feeling allll of the emotions and thanking God for placing us here and for being able to trust His timing through the journey. 🫶🏼 #hbshinnyc
SO proud of you, SK - you are going to rock your first year at your “big boy school” - WE LOVE YOU !! 🩵👑](https://lifeinleggings.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed/img/placeholder.png)
Heather- I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my prayers <3
Heather, I am in tears after reading this and my heart breaks for you and Scott. This letter to your baby so very clearly shows just how incredibly loved “Baby Burl” was already and just how wonderful of a mom you were to your little one during your 12 weeks together. You already know you, Scott and your little one have been in my prayers and you all continue to be today and every day. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and continue to pray for strength, healing, comfort and health for you and your family and I only hope you can feel all of love your friends, family and blog readers are wrapping you up in right now. <3 <3 <3
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I’ve been there and my prayers are with you. There are no words.
Heather, I am so sorry to hear this devasting news. I have no words to say so I won’t write a long comment because I honestly do not know what to say. Except I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you <3
My heart breaks for you right now. Thoughts and prayers with you and Scott during such a difficult time.
I can’t imagine how difficult this must be to write and put out into the world. I hope it helps to know that this will help guide other going through the same difficult time. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers
I am so so sorry Heather. What heartbreaking news. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Heather, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Reading this post has me in tears and I can feel your heartbreak. Seeing these pictures shows me just how wonderful you and Scott are going to be as parents. Your family is in my thoughts & prayers <3
Brie @ Lean, Clean, & Brie recently posted…Winter Weekend Snapshots
Oh Heather, this is so heartbreaking. I know how much you wanted a baby and can’t even imagine what you and your husband are going through right now. I’ll be thinking of you and little Baby Burl.
Kelly @ Kelly Runs For Food recently posted…Dear Snow…..You Suck
my heart breaks for you. wishing you peace <3
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. My heart breaks for you and this post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. I am struggling with infertility. Please know your strength to share helps girls like me who are going through hardships and you are not alone!
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, Heather. Unfortunately, I have been there too- our first passed away around week 12, but we didn’t know until we went in for an ultrasound during week 14. I had no cramping or spotting and was completely blind-sided. The pain you feel in inexplainable and though knowing others have gone through similar situations makes you feel less alone, there are so words to help soothe the sadness. I documented our loss and infertility journey on my blog in case you’re interested. Praying for you and your husband today and hoping that one day you find peace. XOXO.
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Heather, I’m so sorry. I’m just in tears reading your story. I have a very similar one and know that heart ache and emptiness. The baby we lost will always be my first. No words will make it better and only time makes it more bearable. You need to grieve and take care of yourself. But know you are not alone.
There are no words to express to explain the pain you are going through. Your letter hit home to me, I have never commented but have been a long time reader in Orlando. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in October and have struggled every day since then. To see your babies heart beat, feel your body changing, and plan for the family you have always dreamed of for it to be taken away is heart wrenching. I pray for you and your husband and know that you are not alone in this journey. Talking about it has been the only thing that has
Helped me. Take as much time as you need to hibernate and take one day at a time in your recovery.
You and your family are in my prayers. I am so incredibly sorry to hear you lost baby H. <3
Wishing you peace during this time.
There are no words I can express to comfort you and the pain you and Scott are going through. Just know that you have lots of people thinking of you and holding you both in their prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but I’ve never commented. Ever since you posted about your struggles with conceiving, I’ve been rooting for you. My husband and I started trying last September and we got pregnant in November (I actually found out the day after Thanksgiving). We were so excited, but deep down I knew something wasn’t right. Unfortunately, I miscarried the first week of December.
It has been incredibly hard moving forward. It is a conscious effort almost every day. I wasn’t far enough along to start telling friends and family, so not many people know what happened. I think you are strong and brave to share your story here with others. I hope it helps you heal.
I’m so sorry this happened. I will be praying for you and your husband.
My heart breaks for you and your husband. Will be praying for you.
You’re so strong. Thank you for sharing your story. As I read that first line, I was instantly sadden for you. I’ve been wondering about your ttc journey as I’m going through mine as well and will continue to pray for you.
Heather, I’m so, so sorry for you and Scott. My heart aches for you both. Sending lots of love and prayers to you during this difficult time. <3
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You are so strong for sharing your story and you have helped so many women just by sharing this post. You now know that you CAN get pregnant and I know without a doubt that you will get pregnant again. You two are the most deserving people!
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and hugs to you and Scott.
Your openness about this is incredibly brave and so helpful. I can’t imagine how hard this must be, how frustrating and confusing and downright heartwrenching. Above all, remember that you are allowed to feel ALL of the emotions that come with the territory; you owe it to no one to “get over it” or “move on.” Do whatever you and Scott need to do to work through it on your own time and know that so many of us are sending healing vibes your way!
So very sorry for you loss Heather! Thank you for being brave and sharing your experience! You and your husband are in my thoughts!
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I am so so sorry Heather. I am bawling while reading this. I’m so glad you have an amazing husband so that you two can support each other through this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
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I so, so sorry for your loss. You don’t know me and I’ve never commented before, but I’ve read your blog for a long time and now I feel compelled to comment. If it helps at all, I wanted to share that I went through something so similar. It took a year of trying for me to get pregnant, only to discover (from some light spotting) in week 12 that I had miscarried back in week 9, and after a normal and healthy ultrasound. I went through the D&C, because my body still hadn’t progressed naturally.
Please give yourself as much time as necessary to heal. Physically, I was fine after a few days, but mentally took much longer. It helped me so much to have friends that had experienced sometime similar, and for us to just be able to talk about it.
A year later (almost to the day), I found out I was pregnant with our first son. It was a wonderfully normal pregnancy and I now have two healthy sons. Your future children will be more loved – because you know what a miracle a healthy child is. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
Hi Heather – I’ve never commented before but wanted to today – I had a feeling from your last post that this was going to be what you were talking about, but was hoping I was wrong. 🙁
I don’t have much to make you feel better but wanted to tell you that you are SO not alone in this – we are the same age and I live over in Grand Rapids… I have had two miscarriages that the doctors have no explanation for and they made me feel so helpless, sad, and disappointed. Fingers crossed and prayers for you that this is just a bump in the road and you will have your baby soon.
My heart is broken for you and your family. Sending you prayers.
Heather, I’m so sorry to read this. You are a brave and loving woman, and I hope you and Scott find comfort in each other and in your loved ones. Sometimes there are no adequate words of solace; sometimes it helps just to *be* with those very raw feelings, knowing that you will come out on the other side when you are ready. Prayers for you as you grieve.
Heather, I am soooo sorry! Thoughts and prayers with you and your husband!!!
A lot of prayers during this tough time! Baby burl is giving you big hugs from heaven.
Heather! My thoughts and prayers are with you and Scott right now. As you know, it’s an awesome sign that you got pregnant on your own. And you will again! This post is beautifully written, and we all thank you for sharing your experience. Be at peace, my friend! Sending love!
Ashley @ A Lady Goes West recently posted…Firsts, the weekend and my weekly workouts report
All I can wish for you is strength, peace, and love at this difficult time. Best wishes xoxo
Sending virtual hugs and positive vibes your way! After receiving some not so great fertility news myself earlier this week my emotions have been all over the place – and while I may not have experienced this myself I can tell you that you’re not alone. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this but with all of that motherly love you clearly already have I’m sure it won’t be wasted. <3
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In tears as I read this. Sending prayers & thoughts to you both. <3
My heart goes out to you…..I know how hard this time is and thank you for being willing to share this post. Take the time you need to grieve and mourn.
Heather, I’m a long time reader but first time commenter. My first pregnancy was the same experience – it’s heartbreaking, especially when you feel like you’re at that ‘safe point’ to share the news. It’s a horrible experience to go through, and your experience and emotions are like no one else’s. Spend as much time with Scott grieving the loss of a baby that was already so loved. And you’ll never forget that sweet baby and the feelings it gave you. There are some articles on HuffPost that really helped me after my miscarriage – put my thoughts and feelings into words I couldn’t come up with. You’re I my thoughts and prayers- take each moment as it comes, and it’s OK to cry whenever you feel the need.
Heather, I am so sorry. I know each woman’s experience is different, but this quote gave me comfort when I suffered my miscarriages: “What if miscarriage was God’s means of showing mercy and love on a human soul, and if He chose you to be the honored vehicle to usher that child into eternity? Miscarriage is for a moment; a soul is forever.”
Praying for you and your family.
Praying for you and Scott. I can’t even begin to imagine what this is like. Your faith and trust in God is so inspiring and I know He will hold you close during this grieving time and after.
I saw the below in a comment a while back on a story about a young woman, her baby and unborn baby dying in a car wreck. It touched me so much that I saved it and your post today reminded me of it and I wanted to share. <3
“Behold, I stand by you weeping through the night. Your children are safe in My arms as are your hearts. I will heal your hearts and lives if you trust Me. Let Me hold you and comfort you. I can and I will. I AM THE GOD OF MERCY. You will see Me in the eyes and tears of all who love you. Do not be tempted to leave Me. I AM THAT I AM. You say that you are Mine. I love you. Let Me carry you now. There is much to do.”
I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you. You have shown strength and courage by sharing your story. Though words may not be able to bring peace and comfort, I do believe that prayer can in its own time. Please know that many are thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that you are able to take the time you need to mourn and heal.
I am so very sorry for you and Scott’s loss. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes during this difficult time.
All my love to you in this time. <3
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Oh Heather, I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss right now. I’m in tears as I read your precious letter to your little angel. Please take your time healing, everyone will be here with open arms when you’re ready to return. So many prayers, thoughts, and good vibes are being sent your way.
Morgan @ Morgan Manages Mommyhood recently posted…Best of the Weekend: Snow and Sleep
My heart breaks for all of you — please know that you’re in my thoughts. I love you, friend.
My heart breaks for you and your husband. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Praying for you both that the God of comfort will wrap you in His loving arms.
Heather – I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I know through reading your blog you are resilient and strong and with your faith in God, you can get through anything. Sending support and prayers your way.
This all hits just too close to home, and I was sincerely hoping when I read your post last week that this wasn’t what you were going to be sharing. My heart breaks for you and Scott, Heather. I’m so incredibly sorry that you had to go through all of this. I’m here if you ever need to talk, I’m so sorry. Love you, friend. xoxo
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I know it’s a really little thing, but I’m thinking of you all today. <3
I am so, so sorry for your families loss. I will be thinking about you<3
Oh, Heather, my heart breaks for you and your husband. I don’t comment often but I’ve been following your journey and wishing the best for you.
I haven’t been in your shoes and I know that *nothing* I can say can heal your sadness, pain, loss, fear, anger, and everything else you’re feeling, but just know that you have tons of “strangers” (& loved ones) thinking of you and pulling for you. I pray for comfort and peace and hope.
Take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Baby Burl – in her short time – was incredibly lucky to have your love. ❤️
My deepest condolences to you all! I cried the whole time I read your story….cried for each of your pains. I can’t truly imagine that type of loss but none the less it was still a death of someone who was truly loved! You could tell that Baby H was soooooo loved by you guys just by your story so I can imagine how much your baby was in joy and loved you two back! Will be praying for you all! Much love girl!!
Heather my heart breaks for you. I had thoughts you were pregnant over the past few weeks and was elated to think it. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t imagine your feelings right now but I know you will be an amazing mom to the next Baby Burl. Prayers for all of you <3
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Sending you so much love and support right now <3
I’m in so many years for you! Sending many, many prayers. And in my experience the pain gets a bit less raw, but you’ll carry Burl in your heart forever ❤
Tears*
Heather,
You are such a beautiful person. I know you already understand this but God has a plan. Trust him during this difficult time. Lean on Scott, you will get through this.
Thoughts, prayers and hugs,
Leslee Lindsay James
Heather, I’m so so sorry for your loss. It was so incredibly brave of you to write & share your story in hopes of helping others cope. As painful and heartbreaking as it was to read, your story was still an absolutely beautiful one of unconditional love and hope. I have no doubt that you both will get through this and grow stronger as a couple and as Christians. I’m keeping you and Scott in my thoughts and prayers. Much love.
Heather, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
My heart is breaking for you and Scott. Prayers to both of you during this difficult time.
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So very sorry to hear this. How hard and terrible this must be to endure. Lean on Jesus, he will carry you.
There are no words that can be spoken or written to make this okay. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that because of your faith you will one day spend eternity with your precious baby. My heart breaks for you and Scott and I am wrapping you in a virtual hug. Please grieve as you need to and take any and all the time you need to recover. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Heather, thank you for your vulnerability and beautiful letter. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I’m praying for you both and I can’t wait to see God’s plan unfold for you guys. Rest in Him during this difficult time and you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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You are one of the strongest people I know. I can’t imagine what it felt like putting this post together. I love you and Scott with all my heart. Baby H will always hold a special place in your hearts.
Here for you always<3
Heather, thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. I know many women will be supported by reading this loving letter. Sending prayers to you and Scott for a bright, loving future.
I am so so so sorry for you 🙁 Sending hugs and prayers your way.
I am beyond sorry for your loss, this brought me to tears, and I can’t imagine the pain you are experiencing. This letter was beautiful and shows you truly are an amazing mother and were to baby h for the time she was here. I want to let you know I have a family friend who dealt with several miscarrigages before finally having a baby. It was a hard journey but they got there, and I believe you will too. Your in my prayers <3
Prayers to you and Scott during this difficult time.
Prayers! Thank you for sharing.
Heather, I am sorry for your loss. You are so strong and brave for sharing your story. Sending thoughts your way.
I’m so sorry to hear about this Heather. It was beautifully written and you’ll be able to look back on it when the time is right. Make sure to feel everything and keep walking. Lots of love to the both of you.
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Heather, I thought about you and Scott all weekend. There are no proper words, just love, to be sent to you both. You always have a friend in Chicago if you need to get out of town for a bit.
SuzLyfe recently posted…Inching Ever Closer: Progress and Rest
My heart breaks for you and Scott. There are just so many…..and at the same time….no words—to express to you Heather how sorry I am to hear this. Sending love and light to you and Scott.
Heather,
My heart is aching for you, my sweet friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sending you my prayers and thoughts of healing and love. You are such a sweet and loving soul and I’m sure will one day make an amazing mom. Hugs and healing to my friend.
Yaara
Heather –
I am so, so sorry for your loss. As soon as I saw the heading of this post pop up in my email, my heart sunk. I read it while in a meeting at work, and was fighting back tears for you. This is beautifully written, and I cannot imagine what you and Scott are going though.
I remember seeing a post from Scott on Facebook around Thanksgiving, with a very thankful message. I secretly was rooting for you two, and stalked the blog religiously in hopes that that was what Scott was referencing. When I saw your Friday favorites, I held you guys close in my prayers that night.
You have no idea how inspiring you are to even share this – how many lives you touch with this blog, and how whatever you two have thrown your way, you are so hopeful. I could never do what you do, and because of that I hold so much respect for you. I hope that now, in your time of need, you know how truly cherished you both are. I know nothing will change the out come of this chapter in your life, but I hope you can find support and comfort in knowing that so many people are along on this journey with you. There is no doubt in my mind that Baby H felt so loved that short time with you. I will continue to pray for you both – and just know that we are all here for you. <3
I’m sending so much love your way! <3
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul recently posted…Weekend Snapshots
Hi Heather,
I’ve never commented before but have been a longtime reader. My husband and I found out right around Thanksgiving we were expecting our first too…a few weeks later we learned I was miscarrying. It is absolutely the most devastating news in the world. My world, hopes, and dreams were crumbling right before my eyes. It’s something you feel you will never recover from but, I promise that you do. You don’t forget, and never will, but every day gets a little easier. Take the time you need to heal, especially emotionally, for me- talking about it helps immensely. Thanks for sharing your story with us, you are not alone! Praying for you and your husband <3
Heather…just sat here crying through your post. I’m so so sorry you had to go through this. What a beautiful post and such a wonderful tribute your baby. I figured one more comment of support can’t hurt. Thinking of you and praying for healing for your heart.
I’m so sorry, Heather. I know no words can make it all better, but just know that you are thought of. Sending lots of love and prayers to you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your story because I know you will help many other ladies by doing so.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand those same feelings as my first pregnancy resulted in my first loss. Just remember as you grieve that you did nothing wrong. I think that was my greatest fear and regret when I lost my sweet angel – that I could have done something different, but some babies are just meant for wings. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. <3
I’m so incredibly sorry about your loss. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
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Heather, this post brought me to tears. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Praying hard for you and Scott!
Oh Heather! I can only imagine how you and Scott feel. I had some light bleeding with Lauren and I remember how scared I was. We were fortunate though – I don’t know how I would have dealt with the loss. Your story is heartbreaking and I know there are no words to make things better. I will keep you in my prayers and I know that when the time comes, you and Scott will be the best parents ever! Sending you love, prayers and hugs!
Pam Kuhn
Heather and Scott my heart is breaking for you both. That was a beautiful letter to your precious little one. Sending so much love and prayers.
I am so sorry sweet friend. Crying with you and my heart just breaks as I read your letter to baby H. Words can’t take the pain away but I know that you’re going to be the most amazing mama and that even if it’s not the right timing at this moment, one day it will be. xx thinking of you <3
my heart breaks for you and scott. your love for sweet baby burl shines in this post, and you are both already such incredible parents. sending you love and hugs. i’ll be thinking of you and praying for you. love you, friend.
I’m sorry, Heather. This must be tough. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Just trust Jesus.
Oh Heather, I read this earlier this morning and just cried and prayed for you… over and over. I knew I had to come back and write to you, but I can’t seem to find the right words. Just know that you are in my prayers and I hope you can feel God’s comfort during this tough time. Hugs!
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I am so sorry for your loss! What a beautiful letter. Prayers for you and your wonderful husband. I am glad you have such a strong support system during this difficult time.
Heather,
I have never commented but I am a longtime reader and love your blog. My heart is breaking for you and your husband. Please know you are not alone. My first pregnancy ended in a loss as well and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through. You WILL make it through this. Sending so many hugs and prayers.
Heartbroken for you. I’m a Newer reader, but I pray for your family as I went through it also.
Heather and Scott- Your post brought me to tears. I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now. Baby Burl made you a mother, and to have him/her taken away from you is unfair. I pray that maybe Baby Burl’s purpose was to meet you and then go to heaven to get his/her brothers and sisters ready to meet you. God bless you and Scott. I hope you find strength in each other and remain hopeful for the future.
I hope you soon find hope for your future.
This is absolutely heartbreaking and I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing something so personal as I can’t imagine how many suffer in silence and feel all alone. Praying for you and your husband at this time.
reading this post brought me to tears. i am so incredibly sorry for your loss and am praying that you feel love & comfort from those around you during this time. <3
I’m new to your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. While it is something you don’t want to ever encounter, it’s refreshing to find you telling your story. I find it weird how nobody talks about how hard it can be. I’ve recently gone through this and your story brought tears to my eyes. Praying for you and your husband. As trying as this time is, please keep your strong faith. God has something in store for you. I know it.
I am so sorry for your loss! I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Edye
I’m so sorry for your loss. I went through the exact same thing with my first pregnancy and I know how hard it is. my thoughts are with you and your husband.
Heather and Scott,
I am so very sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences for you both and sending loving thoughts and prayers during this horrible time. I cried for you as I read your post. Lean into your faith.
Sharing this story is so strong and brave of you. You and Scott are in my thoughts and prayers.
Heather, I wish I had words to say that could take away your pain, but that’s not possible. Instead, please know I am thinking of you all and saying prayers. Love and hugs!
Heather,
I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. Your letter to baby H left me in tears. Please trust that baby H probably wasn’t ready for the world. SO many of my friend have had miscarriages before having baby. Thoughts and prayers for you and Scott!
I read your blog almost every day and my heart breaks for your loss. My deepest condolences and prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so brave as to share your story with all is of us. I wish you all the healthy, healing thoughts in the world and I hope your family will grow as soon as you find yourselves ready <3
Reading this today, broke my heart. You wrote me such beautiful words of encouragement when you found out my dad had passed, and I wish I could do the same for you. Things happen in our lives that we just don’t understand, but God does. He has a special plan for your life, and although He doesn’t always reveal it right away, keep your trust in Him.
When the time is right, a beautiful healthy baby will be born.
You have touched so many more lives with your blogs than you know.
I pray for comfort for you and Scott in this time of pain, and pray that God will bless you soon with another little baby to love.
I’m so so sorry. Hugs to both of you!
I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and Scott!
Heather, you and Scott are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. I send you both all the love in the world. Xx
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Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. Your letter is beautifully written and you have such courage to share your story. You are in my prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss Heather, you are in my prayers and I know God has an amazing plan for you.
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Heather, I am so, so sorry hear about your loss. I hope you know how many people are thinking of you, even if we have never met, you are still in my thoughts and prayers. Please take your time to grieve with your husband and know your baby will always feel your love.
Heather, my heart is breaking for you and Scott. There are no adequate words to express how I feel, no words to make to ease your pain. But know that I, along with so many other people, are praying for you and your family.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know that it is a hard journey to live. The same thing happened to my sister before christmas. She is still not in a happy place. 🙁 Take care of yourself. And for you and your husband, take care of each other. This little angel will never be forgotten, as he will live forever in both of your hearts.
I’m so sad and sorry to hear of your loss. You are a courageous and inspirational woman who will surely help others.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss Heather 🙁 I was really hoping and praying that this wouldn’t be the news that you alluded to on Friday. My thoughts are with you and your husband, and my heart is just breaking for you.
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I am so sorry for your loss, Heather and Scott. I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks almost 17 years ago and I still remember everything like it was yesterday. It was so hard seeing pregnant women and I was worried I wouldn’t have kids, but I do have 5 kids now. I will always remember my baby, as I know you will always remember yours. Praying for healing for both of you.
Heather you don’t know me but I follow your blog. I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through the same process as you. We found out friday that we were no longer pregnant and that my body still thinks it is. I was given three options and still haven’t decided. I am utterly heartbroken and I pray for you and your husband. I realized I am going through the 7 stages of grief for our baby that will never be with us in this life but luckily in our lives to come. Bless you and your husband. Know that people are praying for you.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. You are going to be a wonderful mom someday and I hope you are able to find peace in the meantime .
So sorry for your loss. I just had to have my D&C last week also for our first pregnancy. It has been so difficult. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, so myself and others know we’re not alone. I’m sure it can’t have been easy. My thoughts are with you.
Heather, wow, what a beautiful post especially given the topic. I am so sorry for what happened (to both you and Scott). I cannot even begin to imagine how you’re feeling. You are in my thoughts and my heart, my friend. You are going to make one fantastic mom…there is no doubt about that. Big hugs to you guys XO
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This was beautifully written and brought a tear to my eye. I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry to hear about this. I had a miscarriage a few years ago and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. You are not alone.
One thing that comforted me after I lost my baby is knowing that even though I don’t get to hold her in my mama arms (yet), she’s in heaven being held by our Father.
I’ll be praying for you and Scott.
Heather I’m in tears and my heart is breaking for you and your husband. No words. I am praying for you. Baby H was so loved just as his sisters/brothers will be.
I cannot imagine the sense of loss you are feeling, but I am so, so impressed and convicted by your level of faith through this crisis. You turned a tragedy into something so beautiful by the way you described your love and excitement. Many prayers to you both.
I am crying right now-I am so sorry for your loss. This letter was beautiful and shows just how loved baby H is. I hope you know so many are praying for you & hugging you virtually. <3
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This is so amazing. This is the most heart wrenching, heart touching, heart warming posts I have ever read. I have not cried this heardin a long time. Continued prayers and thoughts for you and your family.
My heart hurts reading this post, because it’s so sad, and yet so beautiful. Your gratefulness for the life that God gave you for those 12 weeks just pours throughout the post, yet death is always sad. So praying for God’s comfort to fill your hearts and your minds this week. <3
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This is utterly, terribly beautiful. My heart and thoughts and hugs and some tears are with you and Scott. ❤️
Ellen @ My Uncommon Everyday recently posted…Five Friday Favorites 01/29/16
Heather, you know me only as Suzlyfe’s mommy, Clare. I am also “mom” to Susie’s older brother.
What very few people know is that I was a mommy for 14 weeks to a baby that we never were able to see, to hold, to name. Once I had passed the “12 week worry date” we still waited 2 more weeks before we told our families, friends and my department head. Two days later, after receiving all of the congratulations, I started to miscarry while on an out of town business trip.
When I came back to work on the following Monday after the D&C, people stopped by my desk to congratulate me…….they didn’t know of the bad news, they’d only just heard the good news. It was horrid for all of us.
We didn’t know many people who had miscarried, but after the bad news got out, Eric and I were amazed at the number of our friends and co-workers who sent us notes and cards telling us about their own losses.
We found ourselves member of a club that no one wants to belong to.
When someone loses a child that we have seen, we can understand the grief of a parent who had lost a child.
No one, who has not been there, can truly understand the loss of the unknown child.
Give yourself time to heal, to be sad, to be suddenly jealous of a very pregnant woman who complains about her swollen ankles. Give yourself time to grieve and most of all to stop blaming yourself for having lost a baby.
No one is to blame, and one day you will understand the meaning of the “it was better that it happened sooner rather than later” but you are not there yet.
I’m now 32 years past that terrible day when my wonderful OB cried with us in his office. I’d been on fertility drugs and it had been a joint journey and a joint celebration for all of us to see that positive pregnancy test.
On the anniversary of that day, it still makes me sad—it used to knock me over. But this was Eric’s and my private grief, no one else’s. Our families and friends were long past remembering a baby that they did not know. We will never forget.
You and Scott are in my heart and in my prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with everyone and letting people know they are not alone. Keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers and sending cheerful thoughts your way!
xoxo,
Kim
http://www.champagneistablog.com
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You will be in my prayers!
I just read your story linked from your Friday Favorites post, and I am truly sorry and heartbroken for you. Thank you for sharing what happened, and know that we’re all supporting you from far away!
Heather,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first baby in a story very similar to yours, nearly 4 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. While I know that there is nothing to say that will take away your pain, please know this: You are not alone. Your bravery in sharing your story will not only help so many other women going through miscarriage and pregnancy loss, but I hope, will help you, too. I will definitely remember you and your baby in my prayers tonight.
My heart is hurting for you so much right now. Thinking and praying for you. <3
Hi Heather, I wanted to tell you how sorry I was to read about your loss of Baby H. It was a beautiful letter you wrote. You have great attitude and you sound like you are positive (although sad) and keeping the faith which I believe is such a good thing. I lost my first baby 9 days before the due date. I had been married for 9 years at the time. We waited as I was 18 when we married. It was such a hard thing to go through. The world seems so dark. I have to say I am a better person, I learned so much by going through this and I am sure I am a better parents because of it. The good thing is I got pregnant 6 months later and had a beautiful daughter and then later I Had a beautiful son. I wouldn’t have them without going through this is the way I look at it. There is light at the end of the tunnel even though it may not feel like it right now. I have been able to help people I don’t know by listening to them and sharing my own personal story so they can realize they aren’t alone and obtain some comfort in that. So I feel like some positives always come out of the negatives even though you can’t see it at the time. Good luck and hang in there. And to your hubby to since it is very hard on them as well.
Heather!
I’m so sorry to read about your loss. What a beautiful letter, thank you so much for sharing! I’m in tears as the coffee shop as I just lived everything you described, we went in for our 11/12 week appointment to hear babies heartbeat and get the clear to announce to the world that we were pregnant, but God had different plans as there was no heartbeat. Those words are still like a resounding gong in my head…I had a D&C a week ago and have never felt more empty in my life. I love your post and I too plan to post about my experience. I think it’s time to break the silence and talk about the hard stuff — the blood, the emptiness, the night sweats when your hormones drop, the frustration of weight gain and nothing to show for it….Thank you so much for sharing. Finding so much comfort in knowing we are not alone! So much love and prayers for you and your husband! xo-Lindsey
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HI Heather
I’m so sorry for your loss..
It’s just that I went through a similar experience around the same time as you and even though 3 months have passed since my D&C I still haven’t fully recovered emotionally from the loss. It’s very frustrating at times that how much ever you try these thoughts and memories just haunt you. One gets so attached in such little time.
I too had a week by week note for the baby and feel sad sometimes that it had to end at 9 weeks.
Life doesn’t always move as per your expectations and I guess we should always have a plan B 🙂
Thanks a ton for this blog, it just makes me view this whole episode in a positive light and makes it a precious memory rather than being a painful event.
My prayers are with you and your husband.