Now that our pregnancy is out in the open, I often receive the following questions when someone notices my growing belly:
(and at 18 weeks, the bump is bumpin’!)
- How far along are you?
- How are you feeling?
- Do you know what you’re having?
It’s not always in that order, but the trio of questions almost always prevails. And there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, I love any excuse to talk about this beautiful miracle growing inside of my belly.
But, I will say that when I share that we’re not finding out the gender of our baby, it usually gets a strong reaction of “that’s awesome” or “are you crazy?” soon after.
Long before this baby was on it’s way, we decided to keep the gender a surprise until delivery, and today I am explaining why.
Being a planner in nature, I always thought that we would know the gender as soon as possible. It’s just something you do, right? This was assumed until Scott and I actually had the conversation during our first pregnancy just short of three years ago. Thinking it wasn’t even a question, I was surprised and completely thrown off guard when Scott expressed his strong desire to keep the baby’s gender a complete surprise … from us, from our families, and from the world.
He also prefers that I have a home birth, and I’m not knocking any (amazing and strong!) woman/couple who chooses to go that route, but I’m just not that girl. My birth plan is to simply deliver a healthy baby, and I want to be as close to anything I would possibly need at any time during labor. So yeah, I won that argument pretty quickly.
Back to the gender, at first I was upset and didn’t want to budge. Why in the world wouldn’t you want to know?
Scott’s always been a fan of surprises, and loves surprising others even more, so I figured this was the case on hand. And it’s somewhat true. The other part, however, I learned to accept and eventually love which brings us to where we are today: not finding out.
To put it out there, Scott made an interesting point that I just can’t argue. Big gender and name reveals have become quite common these days. Everyone gathers to see what the sex of the baby will be, and there’s a good chance that the general public even knows the name and due date of the little one before they arrive.
(Before I dig deeper into this, I want to point out that I don’t think that anyone who decides differently is in the right or wrong. Each couple has their own pregnancy journey, and whatever they decide to do regarding the gender reveal is what works for them!)
Knowing the due date, the sex, and the name before the baby comes isn’t something that we want. The element of that “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” excitement on the delivery day is something that we do want. And who knows, maybe not knowing the gender will motivate me to push even harder when the time comes.
I’ve mentioned this before, but we already know what the baby’s name will be if it’s a boy (and we’re still working on our girl names), but we aren’t going to share them, and there’s a good chance that even some of our closest family members and friends won’t know the name until Baby H is finally here. We aren’t trying to be secretive, we just want to enjoy the pregnancy for what it is and announce everything about the baby when the sweet little boy or girl arrives!
I don’t get to tell this entire story to most who ask about it when I mention that we aren’t finding out the gender, but I do get the following questions:
- How are you going to buy baby stuff?
- How will you know what kind of clothes to purchase and register for?
- What about the nursery?
The easiest way to answer all of of these is that we live in an apartment in New York City. If nothing else, our 1,100 square foot fourth story walk-up has taught us that less really is more. We only purchase and store what we need in the space, and making room for a new family member will certainly take some smart planning and decision making.
I’ve always wanted to do a gender neutral nursery and plan to stick to calming, cool colors for decorations. I’m searching for white and grey nurseries for inspiration, and plan to add a possible a pop of mint green or other color once the baby arrives. Our apartment is what they call a railroad layout, which means it’s long and narrow with all of the rooms connecting to one another. Our nursery will be in between the dining room and master bedroom, so I really want to keep it as simple as possible.
As for all of the baby accessories, we plan to go neutral with those as well, and we would have whether we found out the gender or not. Grey and other neutral colored strollers, carriers, and baby essentials have always been my style, and I love that I will be able to recycle them if or when we have another baby in the future.
When it comes to clothes, I have a feeling that we’ll be covered and don’t even need to register for them. Our families are already going nuts trying to figure out if the baby will be a boy or girl, and we’ll have plenty of gender friendly options ready for our baby to use. It will be even more fun to receive and buy more boy or girl specific pieces once the baby arrives!
Are there days where I still want to know the gender? Yes. Am I tempted to call my doctor and ask her the results from the blood work (which means we could already know right now)? Yes. Am I worried that the ultrasound tech at our 20 week anatomy scan appointment will accidentally spill the beans against our wishes? Yes. But I’m doing my best to keep our decision in the forefront and know that it will make that moment of seeing our baby for the first time even more epic.
At the end of the day, I want a girl and a boy, so either option will be just fine with me. Like I mentioned before, operation healthy baby is the goal here, and we will be over the moon about a little girl or boy Hesington arriving late March.
I’d love to know …
Would you go back and find out?
Please share your stories in the comments section!
And in case you still think we’re crazy, here are some fun reads that might peek your interest:
- 7 Reasons Not to Find Out the Sex of the Baby via Huffington Post
- Why Waiting to find out your baby’s sex can be (surprise!) awesome via Mother.ly
- 8 Reasons Parents Don’t Find Out the Sex of Their Baby via Bellybelly
Thanks again for following this LIL journey!
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