Jan 3: This Year Might Be Different

It’s so crazy how quickly your life and goals can change.

Scott turned 41 this year, and my 30th birthday isn’t too far behind. When we were preparing to get married in the summer of 2011, we both thought house hunting was on the horizon, followed by a possible attempt in starting a family the year after that. I was 26 back then and in the happiest of spirits. We felt on top of the world and extremely grateful for the amazing experiences our jobs took us on both together and separately.

Three weeks before our wedding, Scott unexpectedly lost his job and our worlds totally flipped upside down. The extra money we saved to for a downpayment went to bills, and we stopped looking for houses in the Orlando area. The next year was very trying for us. I was working three jobs, and he was constantly at home sending out resumes and applying for jobs both near and far. Nothing seemed to be the right fit for what we were looking for.

Realistically, the right job wasn’t going to be in Orlando. The day we accepted that we would most likely be moving away from my hometown, I also realized that buying a house and starting a family wasn’t as near in our future as we thought.

In October of 2012, Scott and I moved up to the Metro Detroit area. Accepting a job and moving up north happened very quickly. We lived in a hotel for a month and then rented one of the first condos we could find. To make a long story short, it’s been just over two years, and only now are we feeling ready to start looking for that house again.

Since moving, Scott and I have gone back and forth on starting a family. We figured we would eventually raise kids together, but it just never seemed like the right time. We both love to travel and wanted to experience everything we could before “settling down” as everyone likes to say.

To put it completely out there, I have been off of birth control since a couple of months after our wedding. My body has never felt right while being on it, and I didn’t like the extra hormones. We obviously weren’t trying to start a family then, so we used other types of contraception and prevention.

We started talking about whether we wanted to have kids or not this year. A lot. Neither one of us is getting any younger, so if it’s something we want to do, it might be time to get the ball rolling. For some reason, both of us have a hunch it might take a while to conceive.

I could tell that something hit Scott on his 41st birthday. For the first time, like… ever, he told me he did, in fact, want a family and to raise kids together. Scott has always had a “let’s see what happens” or “I’m good either way” go-with-the-flow type of attitude towards the subject, so it must have been pretty important for him to bring it up on his own.

The day after “the conversation”

Exactly two months ago, we went from not trying to not-not trying. I wasn’t tracking my ovulation cycle or anything, so we simply went to the old fashioned quantity approach. If it’s supposed to happen, God will take care of it when it makes sense to.

Over the last month, I have tricked myself into thinking I’m pregnant. Constantly. Every little hint of a stomach cramp or spell of nausea automatically makes my mind assume we are on the way already. It’s really silly and a bit ridiculous.

Regardless of the thoughts I put into my head, I’ve been trying to take it a little easier on my workouts and eating more outside of my box. (A bagel here and there couldn’t hurt, right?)

The day before my last cycle, I would have bet you $100 I was pregnant. I just felt different. I was constantly bloated and felt more nauseous than ever. But then again, I could have just eaten too much hummus. Or fiber. I tend to do that.

When I got my period last month, I quickly became disappointed. I didn’t expect that feeling to arise at all. We’ve both been so laid back about this entire process, but, for the first time, I wanted the crazy symptoms in my head to be for a reason.

Since that day, my baby fever has been at an all time high. I get on the break of teary-eyed every time I see a baby bundled up in a puffy coat and adorable hat. There’s a lot of marshmallow babies out there this time of year in Michigan. I legitimately get a happy kind of teary-eye when I see pregnancy and baby commercials on television. I told you… I’m ridiculous.

I finally started tracking my predicted ovulation schedule about a week ago. As it turns out, I was already into my most fertile time of the month (or so I think, I’m far from knowing what I’m talking about). I did a lot of research online that day and read at least ten articles on tips to successfully conceiving. I fell for all the tricks in the book and told Scott about them.

Scott left for a quick trip to Paris on New Years Day. Before he left, we tried all the tricks I read up on and can only hope they work for us as well. It’s been three days since he left and I can’t help but to wonder how long this journey to start a family of our own will take for us.

A couple of months? Six months? A year? Five years?

I would be lying if I said I didn’t hope I was pregnant as I type this. With him gone, I’ve been on the computer getting some blogging work done and can’t stop thinking about it.

Am I pregnant?

I knew I wanted to journal this day and plan to share these posts once the time is right. I might be wrong, but I have a good feeling that 2015 is going to be our year.

I can feel it… and can only hope it’s not the hummus steering me wrong again.