I really don’t know how to start this post.
There’s so much I want to write that I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s try the beginning…
Without having to re-write everything, I’m going against my original plan and publishing this post today. It’s something I didn’t want to do until the “perfect/happy” (i.e. right) time came along, but for some reason right seems like it should be right now, so I’m rolling with it.
The CliffsNotes?
Scott and I got married four years ago with the intentions of settling down, purchasing a home, and starting a family in Central Florida sooner than later. Then life happened and God showed us that our plans aren’t necessarily His plans. Scott unexpectedly lost his job, we went through a year of unemployment and extremely trying times, we moved up to the Metro Detroit area, and every “plan” we had in place got shoved to the side until just about ten months ago.
Ten months ago (after many years of waiting for the right time, whenever that is) we started trying to conceive in hopes of growing our family.
I began tracking my cycles, slowing down my workouts, eating anything I thought would help cushion the process, gaining weight (up to ten pounds!), cutting back on caffeine, limiting alcohol intake, taking prenatal vitamins, taking ovulation prediction tests, probing my friends for advice, the works. We didn’t tell anyone until just a couple of months ago, and to be honest, it’s pretty crazy to me that I am putting this out there for anyone and everyone to read now. But, I’m a blogger, and that’s what we do. I started putting my life and healthy living tips online to help and inspire others, and this situation is no different.
We’re all going through something at sometime or another, and I know I am far from the only one going through this right now.
I’ve been privately journaling the process of trying to conceive since January, and will eventually publish all of those posts when the time feels right again.
The kicker?
I haven’t been truly in love with living in Michigan. What can I say, I’m a Florida girl! I need sunshine and I don’t want to voluntarily experience winter six months out of the year. I don’t mean to offend people and friends who live here… there are pretty awesome things to see and do in The Mitten. I’ve openly expressed that on my Detroit & Michigan page!
Personally, I’m just not cut out for it in the long run. And by long run, I mean I’m literally not cut out to run in the cold for any long period of time. This is a problem because I love running.
Putting those mostly selfish and unreasonable needs aside, Scott and I had been searching for a home to buy in the Metro Detroit area. For the first time in a long time, we were confident about building our future in the area we are living now and were so, so excited. It was finally our time!
We met with realtors, mortgage lenders, and were really close to putting down an offer on a house just a couple of months ago. But, we didn’t. And it’s a good thing we didn’t, too. Exactly one month ago, Scott unexpectedly lost his job. Again.
The situation of what happened here and (almost to the day) four years prior is uncomfortably familiar. We couldn’t believe it, and we couldn’t make up the eerily similar details down to Scott rehabbing his shoulder (the opposite one he had surgery on for the same injury four years ago) if we tried.
Everything we worked hard to build up again (a home, community, life, and savings account) feels like it’s disappearing again, only this time he is left to look for work while living in Michigan and without the support of family or childhood friends right down the road. To be completely honest, it’s a terrifying place to be.
I can’t say much more about what is going on or why, but that’s where we are at. And, the hardest part of it all has been continuing to write this blog and share our lives on the Internet all the while pretending like none of it is happening.
As you can imagine, all of this has been a tough pill to swallow. Just a month ago, my biggest stress was when we were going to get pregnant and why it hasn’t happened yet. I can’t help but to envy baby photos and what seems to be constant and effortless conception stories, pregnancies, and journeys into motherhood in my news feeds every single day.
Without getting into much detail today (although I plan to share more about our journey while trying to conceive in the future), my cycles have been extremely normal since I got my first period at the age of 11. I haven’t experienced any kind of irregularities or causes for concern until three months ago. And, I know it doesn’t have anything to do what what I’m eating, doing, or not doing.
According to my doctor, I am exactly where I am supposed to be and on the right track to help nature do its thing. Scott has been tested for infertility, and there’s no problems there either.
I don’t restrict meals or obsess over exercise. In fact, it couldn’t be more opposite. Truth be told, I feel completely out of my element and have for quite some time now. I’m afraid to exercise the way I want to and think any little thing I do or lift (even training clients) could hurt my chances of getting pregnant or keeping what might have already happened inside of me.
I don’t have hypothalamic amenorrhea, but I do have insomnia. Over the past couple of months, I can’t get to sleep at any kind of reasonable hour and end up scrolling my iPhone for blogs or pregnancy threads to find answers to the questions I have for up to hours. I’ve gone from consistent, regular periods to one-day periods, to having three cycles of intense bleeding in one month, and I have been on what I can only describe as an emotional roller coaster ride with my cycle and life this summer.
I’ve experienced a lot of strange cramping, bleeding, and symptoms you don’t want to feel paired with it while turning to Dr. Google. I’m not exactly sure what my body has been through lately, but it’s definitely something, and I might not ever know what really happened.
***
So, at the moment, I’m doing my best to figure it out. I’ve had my blood drawn, multiple ultrasounds (both versions… ladies, you know what I’m talking about), and every question under the sun. As much as I wanted to wait and write about all of this only after there was life-changing good news to share, I don’t think I can. And I don’t think I want to.
I have a prescription for Clomid (hormones to help with ovulation), but I’m not filling it quite yet. If we are meant to get pregnant during the storm we are experiencing and uncertainties of our future, we will. It’s all in God’s hands and we are remaining faithful in knowing that what we are going through will all make sense when it’s supposed to.
No matter how hard you plan or whatever other people “seem” to experience…
Life isn’t perfect, jobs aren’t forever, home won’t always be home, and every day isn’t wonderful. But, you take it one day at a time, you figure it out as you go, you press on, and you learn from the unfortunate circumstances and hardships along the way.
Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, and comments you’ve sent my way over the last couple of (annoyingly vague) months. I’ll be sure to throw updates out from time to time as our plans for the future unfold. Until then, we’ll be back to regularly scheduled blog content!
This isn’t exactly how we planned on telling the world we were trying to start a family, but it’s out there. A little over nine months down, who knows how far we’ll have to go.
Just like anything else I’ve written on the blog, I plan to share the journey as we go, ask questions, and hopefully help answer some for readers down the road, too.
Thank you in advance for following along and for your unwavering support. <3
![[in our elementary school era] 🚌😭
Skyler did great walking into KINDERGARTEN with a big smile on his face this morning. I, however, was a bit of a mess on our walk home. 🥹
It’s wild how fast these 5 years with him have gone … 7 since we moved to NYC and into our apartment, dreaming of the day our kids would someday go to the *awesome* school right down our block. 🏫
That day is today, and I still don’t believe it — feeling allll of the emotions and thanking God for placing us here and for being able to trust His timing through the journey. 🫶🏼 #hbshinnyc
SO proud of you, SK - you are going to rock your first year at your “big boy school” - WE LOVE YOU !! 🩵👑](https://lifeinleggings.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed/img/placeholder.png)
I am going to send you and Scott some love and prayers. Like you said, everyone is going through something and I can sort of relate.
Blessings and hugs from Florida. 🙂
Sabrina Alexandra recently posted…Back Under a Microscope
Lots of prayers for you and Scott. As you mentioned, we all are going through things. I greatly appreciate you sharing as it encourages me to be open as well. I have been struggling with juggling two young children, moving to a new town and having my hubby gone (in the military) with no family around. Still trying to make friends and find support in our new town, but it can get lonely. thank goodness for blogs : )
Thinking of you!
markmymiles recently posted…Inspirational Man
I appreciate you sharing your story. My husband and I have moved to the Chicago area last year from Texas; away from our family and friends and everything we’ve known. We’ve been TTC since November ’14 as well with no luck. I had an early MC or chemical pregnancy in Feb. and am waiting impatiently when our day will come. It’s hard when people I know in person as well as other bloggers that I keep up with are getting pregnant and having babies left and right. It is hard and even harder “to just relax”. I’m thinking of y’all and sending well wishes!
Sending lots of prayers your way. I am so sorry Scott lost his job again. My dad went through that a few times when I grew up and it’s just down right hard to deal with. I really hope this all works out for you and maybe you’ll end up back in sunny Florida around family! My friend is dealing with something so similar in hopes of getting pregnant. Finding answers is hard and I can only pray you find ours sooner rather than later!
Heather @Fitncookies recently posted…Brown Island Adventure
Thank you for sharing your story! My husband and I have also been trying since December without any luck. I hope things change for you soon.
Oh man, this hit home for me. My husband and I aren’t trying to start a family, but he lost his job back in January, just about 4 years after he’d lost it once before. The last 7 months have been really rough trying to budget and help him keep his spirits up.
I’m sure things will turn around soon for you guys, thought I know the in-between parts are always rough. Hey, maybe this is a sign to move to a warmer climate!
Kelly @ Kelly Runs For Food recently posted…What I ate Monday {WIAW}
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time. As much as I hate to hear it myself, I’m now a firm believer in, “everything happens for a reason”.
My husband and I tried to conceive for almost a year unsuccessfully. We went through all the tests and the fertility doctor had no answers for us. I was prescribed Clomid as well, and within the first month I was pregnant!
I’m sending you guys positive thoughts!
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, and this post really resonated with me. My husband and I went through a similar period this last winter, wherein we were forced to be separated for over two years because of immigration issues (canadian-american couple), I miscarried our first pregnancy with potentially permanent fertility issues, we encountered financial issues, and there seemed to be no end to the bad news. Hang in there – it WILL get better. You’re brave to put it all out there, and I hope it helps to know that you have people you don’t even know praying for you!
I know what you are going through. My husband and I went through the same thing just over a year ago. It was a very tough year for sure. I heard one day on the radio “let go, let God.” It help me relax and remember God’s timing is perfect. Hope it helps, and I am thinking about you!
I am so sorry you are experiencing this difficult phase in life – I pray that this is all over soon and there are some rays of light ahead. x
So glad you shared through the hardship, because I think that like you said everyone is going through something, at sometime or another, but i think you are doing the right thing by trusting in God and knowing that he will help you find your way, whether that is with a new job for your husband or a baby, he will get you there!
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Sending love and prayers your way Heather!! <3 <3
Brie @ Lean, Clean, & Brie recently posted…WIAW: The Final Countdown
I am so sorry to hear you are having a tough time, but your positive outlook and approach to life is wonderful. Sending love and warm thoughts your way!
Sending love and prayers your way!
Jen @ SavedbytheKale recently posted…5 Things Making Me Happy #15
I’m sorry Heather, I know how hard it is. My husband and I went through the same thing a few years ago and it’s honestly the most emotionally trying, stressful situation we went through as a married couple. Unfortunety, weather you like it or not, there comes a point when it compleatly consumes you. I could go into more detail, but if you have questions or just need sometime to talk to, don’t hesitate to e mail me. I wish I would have had someone who understood when I was having a hard time.
My Dear,
im really sorry for all the negativ events your husband and you are going thru. In most of the points, im living exactly the same situation than you and i just want to tell you thank you for sharing it With us. Many Love, best wishes & all my admiration from France.
Heather, I have been a reader for years, and I am so sorry you are going through this. Prayers to you XOXO
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so comforting to know that we are not alone in the struggles that we face. I am in a very similar boat and I know how entirely consuming it can become, so thank you again for sharing! I’ll be thinking of you!
Hi Heather – so sorry to hear about Scott’s job loss. I know how stressful that can be from personal experience. It also creates so much worry for the future. It is wonderful that you both have each other and your faith to rely on. The pieces will fall back into place again! Best of luck to Scott on his job search. Who knows? Maybe you will end up back in a sunny place after all. 🙂
Lauren @ The Bikini Experiment recently posted…The Post Workout Window
Just wanted to let you know I’m sending positive thoughts your way! Life has so many ups and downs, and I wish you the best of luck for the future!
Alexandra @ My Urban Family recently posted…Piece by Piece – World History at Tribune Tower
Making sure to continue to keep you and Scott in my prayers. I 100% agree with some of the comments made in this post. God has a plan for everyone and when he feels the time is right, everything will work out. I truly believe that. One day I can explain why I believe that , when we all hang out again! Also, anything you or Scott need let Adam or myself know we are always here for you both!
My friend had similar issues. She tried for about a year and it was when she stopped even thinking about it and tracking her cycle that she got pregnant. They say the best things happen when you least expect them and I think Thag can be true for getting pregnant. I wish you guys the best!
hey Heather!! Sending all the love and positive vibes your way! I hope Scott’s job situation gets straightened out! You guys are strong and everything happens for a reason! Good luck!
Thank you for being so honest Heather. I’m so sorry about your situation. That would be incredibly hard to deal with and at the same time put up a front that everything is okay. I’m sure you guys will find your right path again.
Hi Heather! You are very brave for putting this out there. And I know you guys are in a very trying time, but much like that last time this happened (with some added wrinkles this time), everything fell into a place – different but better than expected. I’m praying for you both! And wishing good things for you Scott and your future family. Hang in there! We love you!
Ashley @ A Lady Goes West recently posted…Because we all like to look at pictures of food
So, so sorry to hear all of this, my friend. Thank you so much for sharing, and I sincerely hope that this “season” of life will pass quickly. I’m always here if you need anything. xoxo
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life recently posted…8 Delicious Ways to Use Fresh Mint
Prayers to both of you! Thanks for sharing your story with us even though you didn’t have to. I pray Scott finds a job he loves and that these infertility issues resolve soon. I love your blog and I am rooting for you both!!
Oh Heather, gosh, I wish I could give you a big hug and pray with you. But since that’s not really doable at the moment, I am sending you virtual hugs and will be keeping you in my prayers. You seem as though you’ve handled this with such grace – I admire you for that. I can imagine it’s been so tough. I know you know this, but God has it all under control. I’m confident He has even bigger and better plans for you guys! xoxo
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries recently posted…Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Pops
Oh dear, when it rains, it most certainly pours! I’m terribly sorry to hear about both of these things. I’m glad you have such a strong faith and know that God has a bigger plan, even when that is frustrating! I can so relate and send hopes and prayers that things improve sooner rather than later.
We have a sign in our little guy’s room, “faith in God includes faith in his timing”… Hopefully you’ll have a room to hang something similar in soon!
Hugs to you!
You are such a beautiful person and I love your outlook on it all. You are so strong and I know you and Scott can get through anything! I think it is unfair seeing all the butterflies and rainbows on blogs and social media, but I do want you to know that when I first originally wanted to become pregnant/had major baby fever, I lost my period, went through doctors visits and had an ultrasound as well. I hope this time in your life passes quickly and you move into newer, happier territory (I also wouldn’t mind if that place was back in Florida!!). Thanks for putting your story out there and being so open! xoxo
Char @ Nutritiously Fit recently posted…How To: Stay on Track with Health & Wellness Goals
10 months of TTC is frustrating but wait until you hit the 4 year mark! Infertility at our age is the absolute worst because almost everyone you know is having children and it takes such a huge toll on you mentally. My hubby and I also have “unexplained infertility” which means everything is fine medically, it’s just not working- which to me is more frustrating than a condition.
My advice? The minute this process has you curled up on the floor crying more than twice, take a break.
You’re really brave to blog about this. I have tried to write a post several times over the years but I can’t bring myself to open up publicly about this struggle. It’s helpful for women to know how common this is.
Sending prayers to you, sweet friend! I can’t imagine how difficult this journey has been. Your wisdom, faith in God and positive attitude is inspiring. And sharing this was brave and I admire that. HUGS!!!!
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Oh Heather…
I can’t even imagine what you are feeling/going thru. No matter how optimistic we are, or how much faith we have, we all challenge that sometimes. Everyone at some point or another struggles to understand the, “why me?”
What I have learned from following your blog, and getting to know you in person, is that you are an extremely inspirational – in life, fitness, beauty – all of it. You are easy to relate to, and I truly believe the success of this blog is directly correlated with your openness and vulnerability to share your life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I can’t tell you how many times I have been down about where I am in life, and I catch up on the blog and realize I am not alone. I can’t say that about a lot of other things I read on the internet.
You guys will get though this – because God never gives anyone more than they can handle. He just must know you two are a power couple who have a higher tolerance. 🙂 Hang in there, don’t give up, and know that you will past this test with flying colors.
I too could not conceive. The anticipation and excitement became confusion and anger. I felt resentment towards others who seemed to easily have had multiple children. Eventually our relationship became strained, blaming each other for the possible reasons why this was happening. I would tell him it was his stress level etc. He would tell me I wanted to wait too long to have babies etc. After we both did every test, the doctor told me that a percentage of healthy couples are not able to have children. After 18 months of living a completely perfect lifestyle for a baby that would never be mine, I told my husband I was done trying on our 5th anniversary. He said OK. The heavy stress lifted from our relationship. I was pregnant within the next weeks. I have two boys now. I believe it was our stress and unhappiness preventing the pregnancy.
I’ve definitely had my share of trying times these last two years with medical problems and injuries. I lost my period 5 years ago. At first, I was told by Mayo Clinic this was due to not having enough calcium and estrogen. They put me on a high estrogen birth control pill. I started taking it for 3 months, yet I still got a fracture in my leg when I was rear ended last month and I felt horrible on this pill. I finally stopped taking it and saw a naturopath. Through extensive testing (which my insurance did pay for) she discovered I’m gluten sensitive and it was causing me not to absorb nutrients. It had gone on so long that it shut down all my hormones, not just estrogen. At some point, you may want to consider seeing a naturopath because they look at the body as a whole. Traditional doctors only treat symptoms and bits and pieces. Sending you lots of love! You will get through this.
Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious recently posted…WIAW…No Matter What, You Need A Car
Hi Heather,
Thank you for sharing this – I’m sure it’ll help so many who are going through similar times. A few years ago when I was going through very tough personal times I also experienced irregular periods (along with other symptoms such as fatigue and thinning hair) in my case the diagnosis was functional amenorrhea- due to stress. I realized how fragile our bodies are, especially when under stress (esp from moving, job loss, financial, etc). You have such a great positive outlook on life and I wish you the best from all this- and maybe a move back to sunny Florida:).
Stay strong Heather <3 You are such a sweet woman and you are in my thoughts and sending love and strength (and sunshine!) xoxo
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Thank you for sharing your story, even though it’s hard you are inspiring people. It took us a little while to get pregnant as well and it is frustrating and so hard to be in that 2 week waiting period. Just know you aren’t alone! Hugs to you!
Many big, big hugs to you. Right there with ya on a lot of this. It’s so hard when you put things off waiting for a better time, and then when the time comes, your body doesn’t behave the way you think it should. I’ll be thinking of you, hon. And thanks for being brave enough to put this out there. (I’m certainly not.) <3<3
Beth @ Running with the Sunrise recently posted…Your First Barre Class: What to Expect
Hi Heather,
I couldn’t help but cry as I was reading your account of the last 9 months. My heart aches for you and Scott because all of us women know when you’re ready (for a baby), you’re READY. I’m so sorry it’s taking its sweet time and that on top of that disappointment, Scott lost his job. Talk about STRESSFUL! 🙁 🙁 🙁 I love that you’ve primed your body and your mind and that baby will be conceived into the most loving and safe place it can dream of. Some women lose babies when their husband loses their job and some just can’t quite conceive during that time. Fertile aside, stress is a mean booger and can keep things from happening (for you and Scott)! I’ll keep you in my prayers and continue to read your blog. You’re such a beautiful spirit and the world will be better place when you and Scott introduce a new little one to it 🙂 🙂
I cried throughout this entire post and the post you shared from January. Why did I cry for a “stranger”? Well, my husband and I are going through the exact same thing. We’ve been trying for over 13 months now and are going through all the doctor appointments and testings and pricks and gadgets and books and heart pains. I don’t wish this on anyone. If you ever need to “talk,” I hope you realize that there are plenty of us out here that will listen (me included) and cry with you because we’re there too.
Heather- I’ve read your blog for awhile now, and have never commented — but just know you’re both in my prayers. You’re so brave to share all this. Wishing you all the best.
Sweet Heather (and Scott),
I am an open book on this subject. I understand. Your story is just like ours and SO many others out there. You spend your whole life thinking it will just happen when you want it to. When it doesn’t, you are crushed. You are angry, sad, frustrated, tired and feel so alone. You analyze everything you do. You question what you have done to deserve this. You see your friends (and even strangers) getting exactly what YOU want. I understand.
You are so brave for sharing this. The hardest part of infertility is the alienation. As supportive as your friends and family try to be, they can’t possibly know what to say. They make suggestions meant our of love that make you want to rip their throats out. (Yes, I have tried wine. And standing on my head, and relaxing and every other wives tale out there.)
You are not alone. You are in this together. You have so many options out there to help you achieve your dream! Seek those options. Talk to people. Share your story. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect.
We went through all of the tests and medicines and ended up at IVF. We had an amazing team of nurses and doctors at USF who helped us get our little man. Stay positive and stay together. You will get that baby!
XOXO from Florida.
Girl this post too so much courage and I just wan to hug you right now. I can’t imagine how frustrated you are with the entire situation but I strongly believe that the things in life we want are worth waiting for and fighting for. I hope Scott finds a job somewhere you can both be happy and in much less time! I hope you find your end of the rainbow sooner than later. Your in my thoughts and prayers!
Sam @ PancakeWarriors recently posted…SevenPoint2 | The Alkaline Diet
I’ve only been reading your blog a short time and rarely comment, but I just wanted to let you know I’m sending good thoughts and prayers to you and Scott.
While my situation is vastly different, I cdm day that, over the years, the best things in my life have come at times when I had “planned” the exact opposite!
I’m sorry for your struggles, but I do believe we go through trials for a greater purpose, whatever it may be. You have every right to be afraid, angry, envious, etc., but please know that you’re relating to and helping readers by sharing your journey with us.
All the BEST to you and Scott! <3
Catherine @ foodiecology recently posted…Why I Love Cardio Barre At The Y
*can say
Catherine @ foodiecology recently posted…Why I Love Cardio Barre At The Y
I am so sorry Heather! I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. Everything happens for a reason, and hopefully soon everything will resolve itself and you will be in a happy place!
I admire your honesty and openness so much Heather! I know you are going through some really tough issues, but I will pray that it will all resolve itself soon for you, Scott, and your future family. I promise you that everything will improve, and that the sun WILL shine after storm, and that there WILL be a rainbow. Sending you my support <3!
lifewithniki recently posted…WIAW | Eating Chocolate By The Spoonful
Heather,
I am so sorry that your husband lost his job, that is so stressful in the best of times more so when you all are already going through a different trial. I am praying for you both, know you are not alone in either situation. You are such a lovely woman with a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing this personal story.
Lots of love and prayers your way, Heather.
I’m so sorry that the universe has thrown so much your way all at once. I pray you and Scott weather the storm together and God shines His blessings upon the two of you soon.
xo.
Ange @ Cowgirl Runs recently posted…My Blogging Goals
Sending prayers your way Heather! You’re such a strong woman for sharing this with us. I love your faith in God and His plan for your life. This is shaping you into the person that you’re supposed to be and trusting Him in the process is such an amazing quality to have. I’ll be thinking about you both as you go through this trial.
Aleah @ Their Fit Life recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday: Healing
Sending so many prayers, thoughts and good vibes your way!!
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Heather,
I’m sure your honesty is appreciated by many readers, especially those TTC. My husband and I have been TTC for 2.5 years, and while we did conceive naturally two years ago, I had a missed miscarriage at 3.5 months. We’ve been trying ever since my recovery from the D&C & have had every test under the sun (the saline sonogram was the worst!). We also dealt with an unexpected 9 month deployment in the midst of it, so I completely understand how life can throw curveballs at you. Are you seeing a GYN or a Reproductive Endocrinologist? After my husband’s deployment, he had another SA which showed his morphology was low- less than 1%. We are now working with N amazing RE in Phoenix as IVF with ICSI will be happening next year if we can’t get his morph up. Also- I did two rounds of Clomid and while it can be very successful for many women, I had horrible side effects and it messed up my uterine lining. Femara (also known as Letrozole) has been much better on my body and I’ve ovulated even better with it! I’m currently on my third round and we will do two more rounds before moving forward. I know everything will happen in due time, but I truly think women need to be proactive with their fertility as it can sometimes be a simple fix (which it may be as your hubby doesn’t have any issues! I have taken a break but have blogged about our journey and all the procedures I had done if you’re interested. Please feel free to email me about anything as well. Keep your chin up!
I’m so sorry all this is happening, Heather. Just know that no matter where you are in the world, you will always have your readers rooting for you on the other side of the cyber-space wall. Things will get better! Thank you for your honesty and openness. Writing this post took so much courage, and I admire you so much for always being real on your blog. I am sending you and Scott so many prayers, good vibes, and love!
Heather,
I’m so sorry you are going through all of this! I know it is so difficult! I really want babies too–and I’m single and it’s so hard to find someone–_!and just seeing all these new mamas and babies all over the blogsphere just makes my heart ache. But it sounds like everything is healthy and ok and may be your body is just under stress from all the emotional stress. I am praying things get better for you. And it’s good that you and Scott have each other. And I hear you about Midwest winters. I’ve lived in Chicago my whole life and still hate them. I’d love to move somewher warm like Florida or Cali. Things will get better. Don’t worry! I’m always here if you want to talk.
Prayers coming your way. Thank you for sharing (you certainly didn’t have to!). As someone who has struggled with infertility, I know the pain you described (although in a different way of course b/c every situation is different). Good luck and again…prayers coming your way!
Heather as a 43 year old momma of two I can tell you this will pass. We’ve been through something similar and as frustrating as it is now it will work itself out on the work and baby front and I’ve personally been through both. Chin up your blog posts are lovely. I’ve made some positive changes because of them so know you are affecting people in the best possible way!
I think it amazing you are sharing this to the world! That’s how we connect with others in similar circumstances. Life definitely has hard times, but I truly believe we always come out stronger! I’m thinking happy job finding thoughts for Scott and happy pregnancy thoughts for you! 🙂
Erin @ Her Heartland Soul recently posted…Girls Night Omaha
What a stressful time. We have been through an unemployment period too. Many prayers for things to work out soon.
Nicole recently posted…Goodbye Summer
I’ve been reading for years now and am so sad to hear you’re going through such a trying time. I know that you will undoubtedly come out on top. But in the meantime, know that we are all pulling for you guys and praying for you! Lots of love.
Heather, I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. I know too well the heartache of wanting a family and not having things go as planned. It was a long road for us to become parents but at 42, I finally became a Mom. It’s not how I imagined it would have happened but it’s exactly as it should be. Have faith, don’t lose hope and never give up. You will have your baby one day!! Good luck to you (and Scott). And thank you for your honesty. It is so comforting to know you’re not alone. ((hugs))
Oh Heather, my heart goes out to you and Scott during this stressful time. I think your attitude towards all your struggles lately is incredible and very inspiring. I think sometimes we all need to remind ourselves that in times of hardship we need to let go and let God. Everything happens for a reason, whether we like it or not! I think the reason behind your struggles will reveal themselves to you in time, but until then I’m sending lots of prayers- and just keep taking care of yourself!
I so respect your honesty. Praying for you during this trying time. I wish I could say that I don’t know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I do. Praying, Praying, Praying.
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Sending warm thoughts your way. Everything works out the way it should!
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Heather, you are so so so strong and brave for sharing all of this. We all go through hard times but by sharing with others and not holding it in is one of the best things we can do so that it doesn’t burden us so much. Know you are not alone and things will look up. Nothing is forever. Bad times will come to an end and you’ll be more resilient because of them!
Heather, Thanks for being honest, for being bold, for being real. I hope that the sharing of it alone brings you freedom and peace! I am glad to know how to pray for you and Scott over here in Boston:) We love and miss you guys!! Molly
I just want to say my heart goes out to you! I am a big believer of life has a plan for us whether we understand it or not and that everything happens for a reason. While it may not be known now, it will be. I hope Scott finds a job soon, and you find peace ,everything will work out!
liz @ sundays with sophie
Liz Joiner recently posted…babies don’t keep
You opened up a bit about this at Blogfest to me, but this just puts it all back into perspective. I’m sorry that you are dealing with so much uncertainty right now and so much frustration. Goodness knows I understand that. And it just sucks. I don’t have much to offer that hasn’t already been said, but if you need to escape to Chicago i can think of a few friendly faces you could hang out with! Thinking about you.
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Oh honey I’m so sorry! My heart is breaking for you as I can definitely relate to many of your frustrations. If you need to talk or have any questions about anything fertility related please call, email or message me! xoxo!!!!!
It’s so interesting. Growing up, we learned that when you had sex, you got pregnant. It’s so crazy, that now that I’m at an age when people are actually TRYING to start families, that that is SO not the case. Just know that you are not alone – there are many people who go through this, and many many who will get good news at the end. I am excited for when you and your husband have good news about your growing family to share!
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Thank you so much for sharing, Heather. I can’t imagine how hard it was to put it all out there, but you are helping many others who are going through similar situations. I am praying for you and Scott. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I don’t comment much. But I read daily. I want to give you a hug, because I’m going through the same experiences you are with conceiving (also since January). I don’t talk about it … but I wanted to know there are people out there like us, having trouble too. 🙁
This post is incredible. You are so brave for sharing your life’s intimate details with the world. It’s so easy to share the good and so difficult to share the struggles, but we all have them. I hope things start to lookup soon!
Praying for you! I know what it’s like for a husband who has lost his job and life to be turned upside down. He’s going through a turmoil of emotions. That’s enough to handle. Can’t imagine wanting a family and having issues pregnancy, along with wanting to purchase a home. My heart hurts for you! There is always good in every day, I hope you and your husband find it.
First off, I want to say I am so sorry what you’re going through on both ends!! Hugs to you and positive thoughts your way! My husband was also laid off in the past and it lasted for about 6 months. It was terrible! We had a 16 month old at the time and it was stressful. Our dreams of buying a house, when the house prices were lower in CA, was no longer possible and when he finally got a job again it was half as much money, so we ended moving to Texas where the economy was better, cost of living was lower, and he got a better position at the same company. It was hard leaving CA and I was very sad. We have lived here for about a yr and I feel that people are so much more positive and I’ve had a better time making new friends.
It is ironic but we have had a hard time conceiving another baby, so my heart breaks for you too. I’m going to wait it out a few more months before I see a doctor but there doesn’t seem to be any obvious causes. (I’m getting a normal period etc…) anyway best of luck and thanks for sharing your story!
Stay strong! Sending lots of good vibes your way. Life can be a down right pain in the ass sometimes but I really do believe everything happens for a reason. It may not seem like it now but things will work out for you guys. You are so incredibly brave for sharing this.
Krystal // The Krystal Diaries recently posted…Start the Next Chapter of Your Life
So… In the time you’ve been trying to get pregnant, your periods have become irregular for the first time ever. You’re up scrolling pregnancy blogs looking for questions. This is how I see it: You have become so consumed with getting pregnant (even if it may not feel like it’s all you’re focusing on right now, it seems to be), and now you’ve put your body under a lot of undue stress. You had a good thing going- you were exercising how you wanted, eating how you wanted, and you changed it up. You gained weight. You confused your body. And then you added in stress. You added in these doctors appointments and worry over if the doctors would find a reason for you not getting pregnant! And WHY aren’t you getting pregnant?!?! Your body doesn’t know what to do. Of course it isn’t going to make a baby right now! It’s probably too busy going WTF to let conception happen! You WERE ovulating if you were tracking it before. Now, I’m definitely not saying that all things can be perfect and that it could just be possible that you and Scott wouldn’t have a hard time getting pregnant (I have a friend whose friend was having a really hard time getting pregnant, and when they went to do IVF, her egg and her husband’s sperm went to opposite sides of the petri dish. Some sperm and eggs just don’t get along.). That happens. But look at what your body is telling you. Anyway, I hope this isn’t harsh. It is DEFINITELY not my intention at all. I tracked my ovulation for 4 months and then decided it felt too stressful, then we went to Europe and I decided I didn’t even want to get pregnant anymore and just wanted to travel, and I found out I was pregnant when I got home (and hadn’t tracked that period). I think your body knows. Your body feels the stress. So when you let go, it’s more likely to happen. Not saying that it definitely WILL happen, but I think the likelihood increases. I think it’s easy to look at how easily some women get pregnant, but the reality is that many women do have a hard time. And I think it’s a vicious cycle because that stress makes it even harder to get pregnant. With all of that said, I think it’s great that you posted this. I decided early on in trying to be open with it on my blog for the same reason. I discussed my disappointments and even the crazy things I should never say out loud (like I totally considered abortion the day before my first ultrasound). These are the things that make you a real person and relatable to others. I had a feeling when you hinted that something was wrong in previous posts that this was it, but there shouldn’t be any reason why bloggers can’t write about real struggles. So many women (I feel) want to have a happy, perfect blog, but never even mention the unhappy or difficult times they go through. I think that’s what adds so much stress to society to be “perfect” and even to get pregnant so easily! (Because the other bloggers don’t discuss their struggles.) So, I’m glad somebody finally got real with it, and didn’t just write a post that skimmed over how difficult this time has been. And I hate to hear that Scott lost his job and you guys are going through all of this AGAIN! But you guys made it out once and you’ll definitely make it out on top again. These are the times you’ll look back on when you guys are 60 and think about how all these times made you guys stronger as a couple. I hope that the job situation works out and everything turns right side up again. Good luck to you guys! (Sorry this was SO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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Just has to let you know I’m thinking/praying for you. God will definitely has a plan for you two.
Jess @ Blonde Ponytail recently posted…Fueling for a Healthy Pregnancy
Thoughts and prayers your way! I know how it feels to struggle with infertility.
Heather@hungryforbalance recently posted…Does your past define your present?
I’m so sorry to hear of the tough season that is in your life right now. We definitely had struggles a few months ago when my husband didn’t have a job and was doing school & I was a sahm. We felt God had a plan for us though, and He did. I’m sure He has even better plans for you all! Many hugs & prayers your way! <3 <3
Annette@FitnessPerks recently posted…Pregnancy #2 : 38 & 39 Weeks Update
Sending you so many good thoughts. This post is beautiful and I think it’s incredible how open you’re being about this tough time. Wishing you nothing but the best.
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Sending you good vibes!! Someday you will look back on all this and think about how it made you stronger. <3
Jenny Bender recently posted…Friday Faves 8.14.15
Great of you to share your journey and I know it will turn around for you and Scott. Time keeps moving and your heart and intentions are in the right place. When the good and easier times come (and they will!) you will be able to appreciate them so much more than others who have not gone through these trials. That is a gift. My prayers and positive thoughts are for you.
Lori @ TheHealthMinded.com recently posted…Protecting Yourself The Best Way From Lyme Disease
***Digital Hugs*** That’s the strange thing about blogging is sometimes life isn’t perfect and it’s hard to put it all out into words. I wrote a post just like this one about my sons endless surgeries. And although the topic isn’t the same the feeling is. It’s hard to pretend everything is perfect when the walls are coming down around you. I know you’ve been through this before and I’m sure no amount of reassurance will make you believe it, but I do believe everything happens for a reason and life in all it’s chaotic nonsense does work itself out. Hang in there girl the best is yet to come, have patience and faith <3
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I feel like this is why I stopped blogging. Because I was experieincing not so good days and I wasn’t ready to open up with it. The funny thing is I am not worried about the blogging community judging me because I know it would make me feel better, it’s more the people close to me that read my blog. I don’t want to have to deal with questions and stuff. I guess i’m just not ready to put myself out there.
Andrea @ Pencils and pancakes recently posted…Should you give up coffee?
So sorry you guys are experiencing a stormy time. Putting your faith and trust in God’s plan is the right choice but I know how hard that is on a day to day basis when you just can’t seem to find any answers. Adding you to my prayer list.
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Thank you for sharing. Wish you all the best!!!
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I just found your blog through Giselle’s. Isn’t it crazy how many women are experiencing problems getting pregnant these days? I guess it just seems like more because people are so open and willing to share when maybe in the past it was supposed to be hush hush. And Dr. Google is never a good reassurance. The stress of your life situation is probably affecting it. It’s so comforting though to read other’s struggles and know that you’re not alone.
Andrea @ Pencils and pancakes recently posted…Should you give up coffee?
I keep reading about others trying and not getting pregnant, as my husband and I are in the same boat. So it feels semi-alright knowing that we are not alone in this and that there is hope and alternatives out there. <3 prayers to you!
Thanks for sharing, Heather! As you said, everyone is going through something. It is a helpful reminder to read about others’ struggles when I get wrapped up in my own. I try to focus on all that I have to be thankful for, but sometimes, it’s tough!
I know what you mean when you talk about all the baby news clogging up your news feed. 🙂 I am the same age as you and always thought I’d be in a different place than I am. I’m not even married yet but the desire for marriage and babies is strong!
I’m praying for you guys – for wisdom, patience and strength during these trying times.
I know how you feel as my daughter has just gone through infertility. After 3 years of trying, one just trying, then seeking out a fertility doctor, multiple tests, drugs, shots, egg retrievals, 3 chemical pregnancies, some eggs that didn’t fertilize, 2 frozen embryo transplants, 2 mock cycles with biopsies, she is currently 26 weeks pregnant. Her final frozen egg they had genetically tested and after the mock cycles where they tried to determine which day (3 or 5) was best to do the transplant they did it in March. She also married someone older than her (she is 26 and he is 45). All the doctors could say was she has unexplained infertility. So, my prayers are with you and Scott that it will happen. There is a beauty blogger I follow that had trouble for the first one and now her 2 are 14 months apart! If you have any questions, or anything please don’t hesitate. I will share my daughter’s email with you as she is pretty knowledgeable about it all.
Oh Heather,
It’s crazy how life can shift around and change on us. I’ll be praying for you and know that no matter what journey life takes you on, you will never be alone. Sending hugs and warm wishes your way!
You’re amazing for being so honest. Thank you so much for telling your story. The job things is so tough and I can relate 100%. My husband and I were there, but I never said anything on the blog, and looking back it would have been sooo nice to be honest about it. Because it was so stressful and so hard, and I so badly wanted people know that it wasn’t all smiles and laughter in my world but I never knew how to word it. You did such a good job. Sending you and your husband lots of love & prayers! 🙂
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Hi Em, and thank you for sharing. I really didn’t think I wanted to write about what we are going through either. In fact, I vowed that I would keep quiet until there was great new to share, and then maybe I would publish posts I’ve written similar to this one. But then… I figured out that I’m not alone. Great concept, right? It’s so nice to hear people, especially bloggers who write about all of the great things that happen in their lives, tell the not-so awesome stories, too. Plus, I’ve really enjoyed writing about our journey. Thanks for the prayers!
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Just wanted to add a comment to counteract all these recent spam posts. This was an extremely heartfelt post to read, despite not having any direct experience with some elements of it. What rang true was just the compulsion so have to pretend that life is as wonderful and perfect as it feels at times, ALL the time. It’s nice to see honesty in that area, especially from someone who might otherwise seem perfect to others!
Please keep being real. It doesn’t just positively affect and embrace people who have been down a similar road. It also encourages our entire society to embrace honesty and shed empty ideas of perfection.
Thank you so much for your words Emily! <3 Keeping it real is always important to me -- it's so easy to get caught up in thinking everyone you see online is "perfect", so I appreciate you!