Coffee Chat Catch-Up: Questions and Answers

I’m not really sure how to start this post outside of hi, hello, and I hope you’re ready for a chat over coffee. That’s where we are at today, so grab your beverage of choice, pull up a chair, and thank you for joining me.

Things are heavy right now, and I’ve never been one to just press on as normal when I’m not feeling normal. I take a step back, I acknowledge what’s going on, and I take time to process and move on when I’m ready. And if I feel like someone might need to hear the encouragement that I’m learning from or even that I’m telling myself, I share about it. That’s just me.

If you’ve been following the journey here on Life In Leggings for a good amount of time, then you already know that there have been a lot of disappointments, question marks and hurdles that Scott and I have jumped through together since the very beginning of our marriage in 2011. I’m not trying to start a pity party, but I believe these things have shaped me into the person that I am today as well as the perspective behind this post, so I think it’s important to mention.

Life together has been wonderful, but it certainly hasn’t been easy or handed to us on a silver platter.

Need a little catch up?

• My Tips 10 Years Into the “Season of the Unknown”
• When Life Hands You Lemons You Blog About It (throwback, but a key part of the story)

Here we are living in New York City (somewhat) post-pandemic and still trying our best to figure out what the long-term plan is. And if I’m being honest, it’s exhausting and all-consuming in my every day to-dos.

There has been a lot going on behind-the-scenes in our lives right now.

In order to respect the privacy of loved ones, I’m just going to group it all together by saying that we happily receive any prayers going towards the health of our family members. I was on the phone with my mom earlier today and made a joke that “everyone is falling apart,” but there is some truth behind it. There are things to process. It’s all been harder to deal with being too far away and home to help, and I’ve been feeling that.

Adding onto the prayers that we could use, our dear kitty, Cali is not doing well at all. She is thirteen years young, and I say that because she has always been chill and awesome and anything but the typical cat that prefers their own space to hang. All she ever wants is attention, and we’ve been doing our best to treat her like a queen. Unfortunately, due to her current status, this will be our last week with her as her quality of life is not fair. Anyone who has had a pet and felt loved and comforted by them over the years knows that this is the absolute worst part, and one that makes me question ever owning another one again. It’s all just so, so hard to handle.

And finally, navigating life through this pandemic has been and still is challenging. Scott’s business was completely paused for almost a year, and he went into a long season of disaster relief volunteer work that became full-time with weeks of traveling at time. Our plans for 2020 and even the beginning of 2021 were far from what we pictured them to be back when we both decided to make drastic changes in 2020.

But we survived. And so did his business. And last week was the first time that felt real.

So, what are we up to these days and where are we going from here?

Well, Scott is staying plenty busy with his consulting business as the world of sports entertainment and live events reopens. (Thank goodness!) He works at home during the days and works gigs (acting and stunt work) when they come up, too. He has been convincing me to cast specific projects with him, and our little family of three is actually shooting a music video tomorrow. (I’ll share more on that down the road!) Our days are anything but typical, haha.

Skyler keeps me busy all day, every day with the exception of when he goes to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I use that time to work on my online businesses, and I am currently in the process of getting certified as a nutrition coach. It’s been a challenge for me to try and balance everything and wear all of the different hats without feeling like I’m dropping some of them while others rise. I’ve been feeling that pressure and guilt a lot lately, and I posted more on that subject here if you’d like to click over to read it.

With all of that said, it feels like we’re entering another turning point in our journey.

What are we doing? Where are we going from here? What is the long-term plan?

Since we’re opening up and chatting about updates, I figured I would answer a few questions that I’ve received lately. Again, if we’re being honest, I wish that I knew the answer to most of them, too. But I’ll do my best!

Questions and Answers

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Do you have any plans to move any time soon?

Yes and no. Scott would live in NYC forever! I’ve always known that there would be an expiration date on me feeling truly happy here, and I’m starting to see the finish line as I’m craving a quieter life in suburbia again. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE NEW YORK! It’s seriously one of the best places in the entire world. The opportunities, the culture, the people, the experiences and entertainment is unmatched. And it’s really cool to be able to have Skyler see and live all of it from the beginning. It’s been incredible to think about all that we have seen and done in the five years of residing here.

At the same time, living in NYC is expensive. This comes as no surprise, I know, but it’s a big factor. Plus, we’re ready to stop paying rent and start putting our money towards a mortgage that we can eventually pay off. Thinking about how much money we have essentially thrown out the window over the last decade in rent is ridiculous. We’re both ready for the next step there.

We’d love to buy our first home together, but the problem is figuring out where. We’ve been actively looking just outside of the city, as well as completely different areas all over the country. The decision of what to do and where to do it is a BIG ONE, and it’s not the first time we’ve had to make it. It’s the third time, actually … so maybe third time’s a charm?

I’m not saying that we’re moving tomorrow, but there is a strong chance that we will be out of our Brooklyn apartment sooner than later. We’re ready for a more permenant home. Now … is that somewhere close or clear across the country? Only time will tell.

Have you decided about trying for a second child, or is one your number?

Well, let me start this one by saying it could be a post all on its own. It’s a tough one, and also one that I’m not quite sure how to answer just yet. Maybe I will tackle it down the road when we make a final decision. For now, I’m comfortable sharing that this is currently something that Scott and I talk about regularly. We don’t agree on the answer, and the biggest reason is because of the extremely hard road we went down to have Skyler.

Do we want to put ourselves through it all over again? Can we handle it? Is the timing right?

These are questions that I don’t have the answers to, but I do know in my heart that I would like to have more children. Ideally one more. I see siblings as a gift, and I want Skyler to have immediate family to turn to outside of us down the road. We have discussed the option of adopting. That’s not off the table, but it’s not happening right now, either.

The long of the short of it is, we don’t really know yet. But I can share more when we do.

Are you okay?

Yes and no. Haha! If you made it to this point of the post, then you know that there are a lot of things pulling my attention these days. It’s good because busy days leave less room for quiet thoughts and questions. But I still have them and tend to spiral into hours of “what if” scenarios that completely pull my focus off of what I need to be doing.

I have my faith. I have my health. I have a great family. I have a nice apartment in one of the coolest places ever. I don’t take any one of those things for granted. So yes, I’m okay. But I am going through a bit of a slump as I am getting very anxious for answers. And that’s okay, too.

We all have the hills and valleys.

I feel called to share all of this as a reminder that we all go through ups and downs and experience the hard seasons. Nobody is exempt from the ebbs and flows in the story of life. So yes, I am okay. But I am having a “moment” and do what I do best by journaling and writing it out as it’s therapeutic for me and hopeful helps you in some way.

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Life feels messy right now, but it will get cleaner. It always does. There will be a time when it makes sense again, and then more times when it doesn’t. This is the cycle!

Whatever season you’re in while reading this, just know that you’re not alone. We all have struggles, we all go though these seasons, and we’re just trying to figure it out one day at a time.

Don’t brush over the fact that there can be joy wherever and whenever you choose to see it. Focus your energy into controlling what you can and not what you can’t. Live for today and don’t forget to appreciate living in the now.

And if you like these little nuggets on mindset, see my IGTV with more encouragement.

Just like everything else we’ve all been through, this season shall pass.

xo – Heather

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[Photo credit: Jason Roth Photography. Always a pleasure to work with him!]