Now that our pregnancy is out in the open, I often receive the following questions when someone notices my growing belly:
(and at 18 weeks, the bump is bumpin’!)
- How far along are you?
- How are you feeling?
- Do you know what you’re having?
It’s not always in that order, but the trio of questions almost always prevails. And there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, I love any excuse to talk about this beautiful miracle growing inside of my belly.
But, I will say that when I share that we’re not finding out the gender of our baby, it usually gets a strong reaction of “that’s awesome” or “are you crazy?” soon after.
Long before this baby was on it’s way, we decided to keep the gender a surprise until delivery, and today I am explaining why.
Being a planner in nature, I always thought that we would know the gender as soon as possible. It’s just something you do, right? This was assumed until Scott and I actually had the conversation during our first pregnancy just short of three years ago. Thinking it wasn’t even a question, I was surprised and completely thrown off guard when Scott expressed his strong desire to keep the baby’s gender a complete surprise … from us, from our families, and from the world.
He also prefers that I have a home birth, and I’m not knocking any (amazing and strong!) woman/couple who chooses to go that route, but I’m just not that girl. My birth plan is to simply deliver a healthy baby, and I want to be as close to anything I would possibly need at any time during labor. So yeah, I won that argument pretty quickly.
Back to the gender, at first I was upset and didn’t want to budge. Why in the world wouldn’t you want to know?
Scott’s always been a fan of surprises, and loves surprising others even more, so I figured this was the case on hand. And it’s somewhat true. The other part, however, I learned to accept and eventually love which brings us to where we are today: not finding out.
To put it out there, Scott made an interesting point that I just can’t argue. Big gender and name reveals have become quite common these days. Everyone gathers to see what the sex of the baby will be, and there’s a good chance that the general public even knows the name and due date of the little one before they arrive.
(Before I dig deeper into this, I want to point out that I don’t think that anyone who decides differently is in the right or wrong. Each couple has their own pregnancy journey, and whatever they decide to do regarding the gender reveal is what works for them!)
Knowing the due date, the sex, and the name before the baby comes isn’t something that we want. The element of that “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” excitement on the delivery day is something that we do want. And who knows, maybe not knowing the gender will motivate me to push even harder when the time comes.
I’ve mentioned this before, but we already know what the baby’s name will be if it’s a boy (and we’re still working on our girl names), but we aren’t going to share them, and there’s a good chance that even some of our closest family members and friends won’t know the name until Baby H is finally here. We aren’t trying to be secretive, we just want to enjoy the pregnancy for what it is and announce everything about the baby when the sweet little boy or girl arrives!
I don’t get to tell this entire story to most who ask about it when I mention that we aren’t finding out the gender, but I do get the following questions:
- How are you going to buy baby stuff?
- How will you know what kind of clothes to purchase and register for?
- What about the nursery?
The easiest way to answer all of of these is that we live in an apartment in New York City. If nothing else, our 1,100 square foot fourth story walk-up has taught us that less really is more. We only purchase and store what we need in the space, and making room for a new family member will certainly take some smart planning and decision making.
I’ve always wanted to do a gender neutral nursery and plan to stick to calming, cool colors for decorations. I’m searching for white and grey nurseries for inspiration, and plan to add a possible a pop of mint green or other color once the baby arrives. Our apartment is what they call a railroad layout, which means it’s long and narrow with all of the rooms connecting to one another. Our nursery will be in between the dining room and master bedroom, so I really want to keep it as simple as possible.
As for all of the baby accessories, we plan to go neutral with those as well, and we would have whether we found out the gender or not. Grey and other neutral colored strollers, carriers, and baby essentials have always been my style, and I love that I will be able to recycle them if or when we have another baby in the future.
When it comes to clothes, I have a feeling that we’ll be covered and don’t even need to register for them. Our families are already going nuts trying to figure out if the baby will be a boy or girl, and we’ll have plenty of gender friendly options ready for our baby to use. It will be even more fun to receive and buy more boy or girl specific pieces once the baby arrives!
Are there days where I still want to know the gender? Yes. Am I tempted to call my doctor and ask her the results from the blood work (which means we could already know right now)? Yes. Am I worried that the ultrasound tech at our 20 week anatomy scan appointment will accidentally spill the beans against our wishes? Yes. But I’m doing my best to keep our decision in the forefront and know that it will make that moment of seeing our baby for the first time even more epic.
At the end of the day, I want a girl and a boy, so either option will be just fine with me. Like I mentioned before, operation healthy baby is the goal here, and we will be over the moon about a little girl or boy Hesington arriving late March.
I’d love to know …
Would you go back and find out?
Please share your stories in the comments section!
And in case you still think we’re crazy, here are some fun reads that might peek your interest:
- 7 Reasons Not to Find Out the Sex of the Baby via Huffington Post
- Why Waiting to find out your baby’s sex can be (surprise!) awesome via Mother.ly
- 8 Reasons Parents Don’t Find Out the Sex of Their Baby via Bellybelly
Thanks again for following this LIL journey!
Previous LIL Baby Posts:
LIL Baby: First Trimester Update
LIL Baby: First Trimester Favorites
![[in our elementary school era] 🚌😭
Skyler did great walking into KINDERGARTEN with a big smile on his face this morning. I, however, was a bit of a mess on our walk home. 🥹
It’s wild how fast these 5 years with him have gone … 7 since we moved to NYC and into our apartment, dreaming of the day our kids would someday go to the *awesome* school right down our block. 🏫
That day is today, and I still don’t believe it — feeling allll of the emotions and thanking God for placing us here and for being able to trust His timing through the journey. 🫶🏼 #hbshinnyc
SO proud of you, SK - you are going to rock your first year at your “big boy school” - WE LOVE YOU !! 🩵👑](https://lifeinleggings.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed/img/placeholder.png)
Surprises are the best! And you’re right…not knowing WILL help you in labor with that extra push. There is no better surprise! I too am a Type A planner, but we waited to be surprised with my son (who in my heart I always knew was a boy during my pregnancy). The great thing is if we have another I won’t really have to buy anything since clothes, bedding, stroller, car seat, etc aren’t blue or pink. I had to have ultrasounds every 2 weeks until 24 weeks so I was always sure to remind every person that came into the room so they didn’t slip!
Congrats on your son! I bet you were nervous every ultrasound! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I don’t knock anyone who wants it to be a surprise. Knowing myself, I just needed to plan ha. But I do like that you will definitely have gender neutral things. I tried asking for gender neutral, and registering for them, but the pink came, and now my son is stuck using pink, ha! I’m so excited for you!
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Aw that’s funny! Thanks for sharing your story 🙂
I have two boys and we did not find out the gender ahead of time for either one of them. It was a truly special moment when my husband announced the gender during each birth. Everything we received from baby showers was gender neutral and it was awesome bc we didn’t have to buy anything new the second time around! I wouldn’t change a thing and would definitely keep it a surprise if I had to go back and do it again!
That’s a great plan! I guess we will see what happens in the future (I kind of want to find out with the next one, if we have more kiddos!)
With my first pregnancy, I was the one who did not want to find out the baby’s gender. I wanted the surprise, and I thought it was fun not knowing. We got gender neutral stuff and little clothes, and then got more clothes once the baby was here. Family and friends love picking out cute little outfits, and honestly you’re a click away from ordering anything you might end up realizing you need once baby arrives! All throughout my first pregnancy, I was convinced it was a girl and everyone else thought it was a boy. I will never forget hearing a shocked “it’s a GIRL!!” from my husband when she was born. That’s one suggestion I would make-tell the doctor that you want your husband to get the first peek and announce the baby when he/she is born.
When I got pregnant with my second, something we didn’t think would happen and that came as quite a surprise, my husband said he was surprised enough (ha!) and wanted to find out the gender. Since we got to do it the way I wanted to the first time, I agreed, and figured it would help to tell my 4 year old what we were having. I was afraid it wouldn’t be as exciting, but it totally was, you’re still waiting to welcome a sweet baby into the world and you’re never quite sure when and how they’ll come. As far as names go, we had a short list of boy and girl names the first time and didn’t decide until she was born, and the second time we had decided on a name we were 99% sure of, but kept names to ourselves both times because 1-I didn’t want anyone’s opinions, and 2-I figured I would maybe change my mind once I met the baby.
Sorry for the longest comment ever, but I’m just so excited for you. This is such a special time and I will never forget those moments. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy!
We found out with our first and I feel like it really helped me bond with the pregnancy and try to imagine our future as a family of 3. That being said, (hopefully!) when we have our 2nd, I’m thinking about letting it be a surprise. I don’t know if I could stand the suspense though!!!!
SOOOO excited for you! Our baby girl is 6 months old today and we were both firmly in the camp of don’t-find-out. I have historically been more of a planner and from a young age I felt this is the ultimate wonderful, no-matter-which-way, type of surprise. Towards the end of my pregnancy my husband was thinking for future children he’d like to find out the gender, but once we went through the experience and anticipation in the delivery room (getting teary thinking about it!) he was FIRMLY in the never-find-out camp! Having him yell “what is it!!!” as she came out was filled with such genuine love and anticipation. (gah, labor and delivery are amazing!!)
I’m also fairly minimalist and wanted gender neutral stuff (I actually heard you get more practical gifts b/c people can’t buy the “fun stuff” til after they are born…which you’re right, I was amazed how much girly clothes we got!!). And this is also helpful for additional children in the future if that’s a possibility.
One thing I didn’t anticipate but I really liked was: it was hard to imagine the baby…so instead of letting my mind think it was a boy so it would be like my husband, or a girl and play soccer like I did, I would think about being with the baby and my mind would literally stop going down the imaginary memory trail because I didn’t know “what it was” and thus who it would be. Not sure if that makes sense, but it actually really helped me live in the present and enjoy my pregnancy vs. get ahead of myself with the future events and let our baby become who she is, rather than who we’ve imagined her to be.
That’s so cool that you aren’t finding out! I think it really emphasizes the surprise element and it’s something that you can share with just Scott and your families once you deliver before announcing it to the world. I don’t have kids yet, but when the time comes, I hope to keep it a surprise as well. I’m a type-A planner type so I’m hoping I can be strong throughout haha, but I think that surprise element is just so special and something you will always remember.
I didn’t find out because I wanted to hold out hope until the very end the baby would be a girl, and she was! I just had an outfit ready for either to take the baby home in and a gender neutral nursery. I, personally wish I had known because I would have preferred to do the nursery more girly, but wayyyy back then, it was a little more difficult to find out anyway, but I didn’t really want to get an amniocentesis test, which was the only sure way to know. And again, holding out hope. We didn’t settle on a name until after she was born, so it was surprises all around! So fun!
We found out the gender of our first, but didn’t share the name. For our 2nd, we didn’t find out the gender or reveal the names we had chosen. This wasn’t like my side of the family, and they just couldn’t understand why BUT it almost made them more excited for the day of birth, so everyone could find out what we were having. I enjoyed our decisions both times, but I will say that it was SUPER exciting for my husband to call out the gender on our 2nd one! Plus, a lot of the doctors and nurses said they love with parents don’t know until the baby is born. Everyone was on pins and needles the last few months guessing what the baby would be, and made it that much more exciting to find out. Can’t wait to see what you all have!
My parents didn’t find out for me or my brother. My mom told me her reasoning was that it’s one of the few surprises we get in life. If I ever end up having kids I think I’d want to keep it a surprise as well.
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I think it’s awesome that people want to wait and find out the sex at birth but I just couldn’t do it! Type A planner over here, lol! With my last baby I found out at 11 weeks thanks to the nifty little blood test, ha! It will be fun to follow along and see if it’s a boy or girl after the little one gets here. And just for fun, I’m guessing BOY!!
Now another question to add to the list: Do you have any intuition as to boy or girl?!
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We wanted to find out but wouldn’t you know it when the time came the baby was not cooperating. Those legs were shut tight despite drinking cold water, tilting the table etc. we met our daughter on delivery day. I’m glad it was a surprise in the end.
That’s totally cool you guys are waiting to find out the gender. People can be so opinionated when it comes to babies and children (unwanted opinions never seem to stop). If you want to be surprised then go for it! Surprises are fun! We found out the gender of all three of our kids. We had a gender reveal “party” with our parents for our last baby and that was really fun. My best friend kept her first baby’s gender a surprise and my sister in law kept all baby names underwraps. To each their own
Currently pregnant with my second and we are letting the gender be a surprise this time around although we did find out with our first. We did keep our son’s name to ourselves just in case we decided to change it up after we saw his sweet face but we ended up keeping the name we chose 🙂 Definitely still extremely exciting to meet him despite knowing the gender ahead of time, but we are looking forward to this ultimate gender surprise for us in the delivery room!
We found out gender, and shared the name with our first. With our 2nd we didn’t find out the gender or share the name. I loved both experiences. I like you wanted a boy and a girl so after having our son I was really hopeful that number 2 was a girl although I would have clearly been happy either way. Finding out she was a girl in the delivery room was one of my very favorite moments of all time.
We did not find out gender and it was so exciting! There are very few surprises left in life and this is one of them. We did just as you plan…everything neutral. We also live in NY so the nursery was our bedroom:)
I always thought I would want to keep the sex a surprise until the birth. But when I actually got pregnant, I decided I really wanted to find out, and I’m so glad I did. For us, it was WAY more fun to refer to the baby as a girl rather than have to say “him or her”/”he or she” every time. Plus, I had such a strong feeling that I was having a girl, I had to know if I was right. And believe me, finally getting the baby out was plenty of motivation to push 😉 BUT, we didn’t share the name with anyone before the birth. Like you, I didn’t like the idea of everyone knowing before the baby was here.
I always have so much respect for those that can wait and think it is such a great surprise to find out after delivery. I just know myself and that’s something I couldn’t personally do. We did find out both times but we never disclosed name options and actually didn’t name our boys until after we saw them and decided what name suited them best. You have plenty of neutral options in today’s society and I’m sure everything will come together perfectly for you! And you’re right, you will get flooded with things after the baby is here. xo Sierra ~ Beautifully Candid
We’re just like you guys – I wanted to know at first but my husband was dead set on it being a surprise. It wasn’t super important to me so I went along with him and I’m glad we didn’t find out! We did the nursery in gray and yellow and we have a ton of gender neutral stuff that can be used for any future kids we have. We also had names picked out but didn’t tell anyone beforehand… which was entertaining because it made some people pretty mad not to know LOL – it’s the little things 😀
First of all, congratulations!!! I have been reading your blog for a little over a year and my heart was so happy when I read the great news of your pregnancy! My first baby (BOY!) is 3 months old today and we didn’t find out either! Like you I am a planner by nature, but my husbands family has a tradition of not finding out so since he had his heart set on it I agreed, and figured it would be a great opportunity to finally go with the flow for once in my life. We decorated our nursery in grey and a muted blue/green, and got neutral baby gear. Let me tell you, when my husband looked at my with tears in his eyes exclaiming “it’s a BOY!” that was the greatest moment of my life! Make sure the Dr and nurses know you want your husband to announce it. And yes be extra careful to tell all ultrasound techs you don’t want to know. My husband asked during our 20 week “so can you tell what the baby is?” and the tech replied “oh yeah”- which convinced my husband it was a boy- and even though he is I still don’t think that was her giving it away. Anyway, best of luck to you!
I don’t think I’d be able to wait, but I totally understand wanting the element of surprise! I’d be curious what your intition says later on in the pregnancy on whether you think it’s a boy or a girl.
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Heather I love this! I have always said I want a surprise, at least the first time around, and for all the reasons you mentioned! I too think it’s one of the last few surprises in this world. I don’t know how my future husband will feel, but I’m with you and Scott on this one! So excited for you 🙂
xo
Amanda @ Cupcake N Dreams
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I was dying to find out! I always admire people who can wait! 🙂 But me, I was counting the days until the decisive ultrasound (at 20 weeks)! I was shocked when they told me (I was 100% certain that I was having a girl, but it was a boy!). If I had to go back, I believe I would do the same, patience is not my virtue lol And CONGRATULATION for the good news, very happy for you!
Hi Hun! I love your reasoning. My husband and I were also planning to keep the gender a surprise, but when my beloved grandmother passed away when I was 8 weeks (and before I hadn’t a chance to tell her the good news) I suddenly HAD to know, and was admittedly praying hard for a girl. When I found out we were having a girl several weeks later, I was at once ecstatic and at peace. I’m Jewish and we’re traditionally superstitious about birth, so my husband and I are also not telling anyone the baby’s name until she’s here! Love following your journey and that we’re going through it all on such similar timelines
Hi Heather,
I do love surprises too. But in my case when I was pregnant, we always wanted to know our baby’s gender. Because we want to prepare everything before the baby comes out. Like, the clothes, the name and everything for a baby’s gender. So nice to read your story. Thanks,
I didn’t want to know the first time and although my partner wanted to find out the gender, he indulged me. I was scared something would go wrong and didn’t want to bond with the baby untill there was an actual baby outside of me. Not knowing the gender helped with that. This time around the fear is gone. So we did find out as soon as we could. This made this pregnancy a totally different experience for me. But I still do not regret our former decision.
I love your picks for the nursery btw! I wish you many happy moments there!
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Sorry, going through and reading all your pregnancy posts now lol. I could have written this exact same post LOL Down to the “gray, neutral colors with a pop of mint” nursery. We went with a gray nursery and a “twinkle twinkle little star” theme. It was so exciting to hear “it’s a girl!” when she came out, it’s amazing. And we also didn’t tell anyone any names. I agree with what you said that everything is so public nowadays.
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